Kat Central will never die.

Okay well I need this blog. A lot. Because I have a lot of stuff I need to say. And I don't want the blog to be ruined. But it kind of is. Because now it's not private anymore. And that really sucks.
We wanted this to be our place. And that was violated. I don't want to talk about it.
But it sucks.
But Kat Central will never die.

KatCentral

The End of MusicalLover9816

I am so angry right now.

There is nothing anyone can say right now that will do anything to calm me down.

My father and my stepmother read my blog today. And I feel so betrayed. There is nothing to describe how hurt I feel. All I ever wanted was someplace to express myself and not have to worry about my parents knowing or trying to stop it. But of course that didn't work out.

You know the really sad part is that it makes me even more upset to know that my father spent just about all of his little speech talk lecture thing talking about my stepmother. Not about how my friend tried to kill herself, or how I feel I'm suicidal, but about how I should be more respectful to my stepmother and how I should give her a chance.

Let me backspace. Today my father came in my room and asked me about my friends, and school, and my stepmother. I should have known something was up. Me and my father don't usually talk a lot. But did I do that no. I blew it off. And he sends me a freaking text talking about he just wanted to talk to me and how he spent all of today reading my blog.

So I just get pissed. I text Kat but then stop and just turn off my lights and lay down because I was going to sleep. But he called me in his room and gave me an hour long speech. And you think I'm kidding but it was an hour long. Trust me.

You would think he would talk about more things but he talked about my stepmother and how she loves me and how she would do anything for me. I'm sorry but she has a funny way of showing it.

I'm so upset I can't even describe or talk about it. There are so many thoughts inside my head right now. You would think that after spending a whole day reading my blog he would understand, but he still doesn't get it. And it's so frustrating because I spelled everything all out here. I spilled all my secrets and let my dragons fly here and he still doesn't understand. My stepmother is not truly the problem, my problem is the way she treats me and how he overlooks it. And she can sit there and say all she wants that she treats me the same as her children but that's a lie. I understand I'm not her biological child and I can accept that but not talking to me for two weeks is stupid. She takes her attitudes and it always seems like she has it out for me. I know that sometimes her children come before me and I'm fine with that. They are her kids and are younger than me but I don't want to be ignored.

I can't believe he spent the entire speech talking about my stepmother. Not once did he mention all the many times I've felt lost, scared, or suicidal. No, it was all about how I shouldn't be disrespectful and how she was his wife and I can't say bad words behind her back.

My father did the exact thing that I'm always talking about. He placed her and my siblings in front. He never even thought about my feelings throughout this whole thing.

This was an invasion of my privacy. This was the one place I could go and just type and not worry. At home I have to worry about it being read or used as background for one of my siblings creations. My blog was someplace where I could come and be safe. Apparently it wasn't too safe if he found it.

I got in trouble for expressing myself. I'm no longer allowed to post family business on the blog. One I respect that. Two he doesn't have to worry considering I'm not blogging anymore. I'm done.

I'm no longer allowed to curse.

All I can say is that if he had never read my blog he wouldn't have to do all this. I know he is just trying to help and protect me but by doing this I feel more shut off from my family. I was already barely talking to them and now I just don't want anything to do with them. I no longer know how to treat them.

My father wants me to do all these things with my brother and my stepmother and I just don't want to.

And my stepmother. I could throttle her. The entire speech she's just making noises and agreeing. She made me sit up.

And when it was her turn to talk she didn't say anything about loving me. Not that I blame her.

Honestly I don't want to talk about this. No one's going to read it anyways.

I'm not sorry for expressing myself. Or for actually trying to understand my own thoughts and feelings. And I got in trouble for it. They still don't get it. They never will.

2 more years.
Bye blog, it was fun while it lasted. I enjoyed it.

For the last time

MusicalLover

Epiphany-worthy book

I don know if youve ever read The Fault in our Stars by John Green. But it is such a good book and if you haven't, then you are missing out big time. I have never met a book that challenged me more in my mind and in my heart.
Let me just summarize it for you. A girl named Hazel and a boy named Gus fall in love and they have cancer and it is not like, My Sister's Keeper I hate to say it but it is so much better than that. And there is a movie bu I am so scared to watch it because if they ruin the book for me I will hurl somebody off my patio. it is that good.
Read it.

KatCentral

Bless the Broken Road

So I'm laying in bed reading and just waiting to go to sleep; my iPod is on shuffle, and Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts comes on. 

Yes I like country music. 

I really love this song. The lyrics mean so much. While many people look at this song and think of their boyfriend or girlfriend out their spouse I just think of important people in my life. 

My childhood wasn't the best. I don't believe in love between spouses but I do believe in the love of a family or a friendship. And yes there is a difference. And while my childhood hasn't been the best I'm not blaming anyone for it. 

Well not anyone that matters. 

So listening to this dog I think of all the people in my childhood who put me down, hurt me, or just didn't believe in me and I think about the people in my life now who support me, an accept me for who I am. 

I'm not the easiest person to like. I have walls ten feet tall made of steel an reinforced. So just knowing that there are people willing to try is amazing and those who have gotten behind the wall is even better. 

Don't ask me why in being all sentimental and emotional. The story I'm reading is... I'm blaming it. But it's deep, man it's deep. 

Kay I'm going to sleep. 

I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

(Yes He did)

I think about the years I spent just passing through

I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you

But you just smile and take my hand

You've been there you understand

It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

Yeah.

Now I'm just rolling home

Into my lover's arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you.

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you.

Music/Helios

Helios by The Fray was released yesterday. This album is really good. I already love Hurricane and Love Don't Die but this entire album is actually really good and just Ah....

Shadow and A Dancer is probably the best song off of that album to me. I love the music in the background and the lyrics are beautiful.

Of course there are other songs but I really love Shadow and A Dancer.

My computer is broke so I can't load any of the music onto my iTunes account therefore it is not on my iPod which makes me sad. I downloaded this app that lets you load songs onto it but you can only have 20 before it says you have to upgrade. Upgrading cost money and I will not be doing that but I did get the album on the app. I have been playing it on repeat along with a couple of other songs.

Oh and I am in love with Daley. If you haven't heard him then go listen. He brings back R&B. His voice is awesome.

I'm typing this class and I actually have something to do so I am going to get back to that now.
Cya peoplez!

Hello old friend

Do you remember when

We would float on the summer wind

And fall back to earth again

Hello love

Remember that touch

That skin on skin rush

Sweeping after both of us

Like a shadow and a dancer

We were looking for the answers

Keeping perfect time

Like a shadow and a dancer

We know the summer thrill is gone

But we’ve never been so in love

Like a shadow and a dancer

We have stayed

Like the Cascade Mountain range

And Pacific Ocean waves

Some things never change

And it’s you and me

And our bodies are a memory

We’re turning ever so slowly

In the candlelight trembling

Like a shadow and a dancer

We were looking for the answers

Keeping perfect time

Like a shadow and a dancer

We know the summer thrill is gone

But we’ve never been so in love

Like a shadow and a dancer

No, we’ve never been so in love

Like a shadow and a dancer

A shadow and a dancer

We are looking for the answer

Keeping perfect time

Like a shadow and a dancer

We know summer thrill is gone

But we’ve never been so in love

Oh, we’ve never

Shadow and a dancer

Looking for the answer

MusicalLover

Are We Serious

My father and stepmother have been fighting for the past hour. 

It's extremely loud and there stomping around and slamming doors. 

I am so done right now. I really hope my little brother and sisters are sleep. I swear to gosh I can hear them over the music I'm playing. And I have earphones on. 

My room is right next to there's and just ugh. And they keep moving around. I can hear them from the living room. It's really starting to piss me off. I already have a hard time going to sleep and not this. 

It's almost 2 in the morning!!!!!!! 

Just ugh, whatever. It's not like it I can go out there and say anything. 

To: Mother

I am so sick of people making me feel worthless! I just... don't even want to be here! Especially with you!!!! Just leave me alone!

!!!!AHHH!!!!!!

KatCentral