God

So I was walking home today and it was really cloudy, because it was about to rain. So I was looking out the window of the bus and there was this big break in the clouds that just shone sunlight.

So I have always been told about the old wives tale about how when there is sunlight through the clouds it God is looking down on you from heaven. Well God and dead relatives. I believe that too.

I had a bad day at school today but that is a whole different story that I don't want to get into right now.

So this little break in the clouds was following me and I was listening to this gospel song too. It had come on right when I saw the little break so it was kind of interesting. So I put the song on repeat because I love that song and it was just comforting.

So I get off the bus and started raining very softly the second I started walking. It felt like the first drop of rain hit me on my head. And then on my shoulder.

It was just super weird.

And I was walking and it just felt like someone was walking next to me and I just felt happy and stuff. I seriously don't know.

Let me explain something real quick. I don't believe in showing people I love God by jumping and screaming and running all over the place. That isn't me. I don't care if you do it or not because that is you. If you can get me to start singing softly or nod my head during a sermon then you have done something amazing. At the church thing with Kat, when I cried, yeah they did something right because (1.) I don't cry (2.) I have never done that. I don’t like the running and the screaming and the breaking down in front of people. I can still show God I love him by doing simple things.

So anyway I am walking home and it is raining softly, I am listening to this gospel song on repeat, I feel like someone is walking along side me, and I just feel happy.

So I look up at the sky and the little ray of sun is still there and I am just seriously overjoyed looking at it. It was like a sensory overload.

These past months have been sucky. Yeah there are awesome moments in between but it was just like why would God do this to me? It was like he hasn’t been there. I know he is taking care of people all over but a teenage girl in Arkansas needs some help.

And it was like then I understood a lot of things. I don't know what it was but I just felt relaxed.

So I look up and I say in my head, Thank you God. I know you are there.

I don't know everything. I can't explain it to you any more than this. It just happened.

So yeah. This was the song I was listening to:

Imagine me,

Loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I

I imagine me, in a place, of no insecurities and I'm finally happy cause,

I imagine me, letting go, of all of the ones who hurt me, cause they never did deserve me,

Can you imagine me, saying no to thoughts that try to control me remembering all you told me

Lord can you imagine me, over what my mamma said and, healed from what my daddy did

And I want to live and not read that page again.

Imagine me, being free trusting you totally finally I can imagine me.

I admit it was hard to see you being in love with someone like me finally I can imagine me.

Being strong and not letting people break me down you won't get that joy this time around

Can you imagine me, in a world where nobody has to live afraid because of your love fears gone away

Can you imagine me

Bridge-letting go of my past and glad I have another chance and my heart will dance

Cause I don't have to read that page again.

Imagine me, being free trusting you totally finally I can imagine me

I admit it was hard to see you being in love with someone like me finally I can imagine me.

This song is dedicated to people like me, those that struggle with insecurities, acceptance and even self-esteem.

You never felt good enough,

You never felt pretty enough, but imagine God whispering in your ear letting you know that everything that has happened is now.

Gone, gone, it's gone all gone

Gone, gone, it's gone all gone

Gone, gone, it's gone all gone

Gone, gone, it's gone all gone

Gone, gone, it's gone all gone

Gone, gone, it's gone all gone

Gone, gone, it's gone all gone

Gone, gone, it's gone all gone

Oh nah na na na, oh na na na na na na

Oh na na na na, oh na na na na na na

Oh na na na na, oh na na na na na na

Oh na na na na, oh na na na na na na, oh na na na na na na







MusicalLover

Don't Sing Adele

So Amber Carrington sang Skyfall by Adele.

I can not stand when people sing Adele. It is annoying and people never live up to the expectation. They should be ashamed of themselves for doing something.

Now some people can sing Adele but Amber Carrington messed up the song.

I was so upset.

Adam Levine choose the song. I am upset with him for doing that. His whole team should have done different songs. 

Amber just shouldn't have sang Adele. 

Adele's voice is so different and you just can recreate that. 

She just shouldn't have sang that. 

No no no. 

MICHELLE CHAMUEL B*TCHES. 

I love Michelle and if she doesn't win then something is wrong with people. As long as she makes it to the top 3 or 2 or whatever.

She is amazing. And a complete NERD! 

Love ya Michelle.

MusicalLover 

Update on my vida...

Firstly, Dr. Kat is the bomb dot com. Not my fault YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH.
Has anyone seen Pewdiepie? He freaking rocks my socks. He is hilarious and his accent is just XXXXXXX Cant even describe. It fits his personality. And I made a new word.
Confuzimcfuzzled. Con-fuew-zee-mic-fuzz-el-ed. It means "beyond confused." You're welcome.
Guess what? I'm going to ML's grammas BBQ! It should be awesome sauce! I might get wet because that seems to always happen at ML's family gatherings, people throw water around!
And OMG KS was crying because no one came to her BBQ....I ranted to ML, here I'll put what I said:
Shes crying in her room because no one came to her last-minute party. She just moved there so people aren't gonna know her well enough to drop their plans for her and you live an hour away from the people you do know most of whom don't have drivers licences. Shes had parties where people have come and had a good time its just one BBQ and you're really going to text someone and say "I'm crying leave me alone" that just sounds like you want attention there will be other parties damn.
So I kinda went off. Whatever.
And the guy who said I was "beautiful"? He texted me today asking me why his friend(this girl who had just lost her friend to life and her other friends to graduation) didn't like the poem he sent her. This was it:
The feeling in her soul is all alone
The feeling she holds she wishes it was not her own
The painful feeling of lost friends
The feeling of a broken heart to mend
But from darkness a gentle hand
Strong and loving but not yet a man
He holds her close and doesn't let go
and promises friendship forever more
Yeah. It kind of hurts, doesn't it? It hurts me so I was like "Why on God's green Earth would you say what shes trying to forget?" Plus the first time I read it I didn't realize he was the "gentle hand" I'm just...You did not make this poem about you comforting her OMG it was supposed to comfort her. His was just depressing. How are you basically gonna say "Yeah your friends are gone but you have me" and it sounds really nice when I say it like that but i just... IDK it just hurts me to read it. Whatever.

KatCentral

Bad

I am having a bad day.

Yesterday night I got a visit from Dr. Kat. She tired to mind-f**k me. I may or may not have needed it but still Dr. Kat pisses me off. (For those who do not get the reference Kat was acting like Dr. Phil.) (I hate Dr. Phil.) (I hate therapist.) (Think about it. It is made up of two words. The and rapist.)

So yeah KS has a boyfriend. She moved maybe two weeks ago and has a boyfriend. That she didn't tell me about. And the only reason I figured out she had one was because she had this picture up of him and her. He isn't that cute and she barely knows him. The not being cute part doesn't bother me because it is what she likes but i don't like the fact that she barely knows him. He sent her a shirtless pic and when I asked about him she sent it to me. Um... I don't want to see your boyfriend with no shirt on. And I cleared up the lie with her that I wasn't gone, but i probably still wont be able to go. I don't know.

This is why Dr. Erin came out. I ranted to her and KAt decided to use some stupid metaphor to solve the problem. I hate her when she pulls out her Doctor. So yeah.
I realized something last night about KS and I's friendship. Ever since that night (yes i typed that in italics) I have been picking apart everything she does and our entire friendship. Things that didn't use to bother me as much are bothering me a whole lot. Kat asked me if I could just move forward and forgive her but I don't think I can right now. It's like this. She put me through this really hard time and then just comes back and doesn't apologize or even talk about it. She just expects everything to go back how it used to and you just cant do that. You tried to kill yourself. I don't think she actually realizes what she did. I don't know. It is like a dram she had in her head. You don't recover from that like it was nothing. And you just can't ask me to forget it like it was nothing when your mother called me and cut off all communication with me and you decided to take out your anger on Facebook. We don't just bounce back from this That's not something that can happen. I need you to talk to me about it. Don;t just ignore it and sweep it under the rug. And I already know I should be telling her all of this but I don't think I can. I know this will probably bring back Dr. Kat but whatever. I am not going to tell her this. At least not right now. It's one of those things you say but never do. Its an unwritten letter to her. That is actually a good idea. Hmmm...

Anyways so I went to sleep and woke up at like the a** crack of dawn. Super early. My little sisters were not even up and they all are real good morning people, well except for one. So yeah.

So i was determined to go to the library today. But yeah. Let me tell you. I got dressed and ready and did my hair and could not find my library card. I looked everywhere for it and tried to retrace my steps but the last time I was at the library was a long timer ago. So yeah. And I couldn't find it and this is my second library card. I am really bad at losing things. I am currently on my 5th or 6th pair of glasses I cant remember the actual number. So yeah. I don't know where I put it and will just end up getting another one. Sucks.

And noe we are out of Cheez-It's. We have no more. -_-
Yeah I am upset about that.

So right now I having an off day. And I am about to go babysit for my aunt who has 4 kids so i suspect it to get worse or better. I don't know. Whatever.

Okay there has been this good thing though. I read this story like maybe a year ago and there was this part that made me smile like I won the lottery. And then I lost it. But I found it again today.

It is a love story, so don't judge or anything. I know I said I don't believe in love but just about every story out there is a love story or whatever. And this wasn't a love triangle or anything. It was a regular love story. Between two people. And both of them are messed up. She watched her father die trying to save her and he was forced to sit and watch his parents die from a disease.

She doesnt want to date him\, but he is presistent. And he had led her away from the crowd (they were at a party) and was trying to convince her to go out with him and he said these four words that I love so much.

He said, "We could be extroidinary." 

Talk about me all you want but him saying that was like the best part of that story. It's the only reason I looked for it again. That right there was awesome. 

So anyways I started this post about two days ago but never finished it because I had to go do some stuff. 

So I went to church for my church anniversary and the choir was singing. This lady wa leading the song and just could not sing it. And you know how the choir starts to clap when someone does good, well yeah these people were clapping to hide her mistakes. 

Kat said something about how I shouldn't focus on that but whatever. 

So today was my Grandmother's BBQ. It was fun and stuff. But my father just up and left out of nowhere. Like okay now dude. 

So yeah. Saw a crapload of cousins and aunts and uncles and people. So yeah. 

So right now my head hurts super bad. I can't fall asleep or find any medicine so yeah. I'm up reading and finishing this post. 

Yeah I am about to go. I'm pretty sure later this week I am going to do an entire post dedicated to KS. I don't know.

I just sneezed and my head got worse. 

Ugh, kill me now.

Only 8 more days of school left!!!!! This includes semester exam day. 

MusicalLover 

To: Specifically the person who changed ML's post

Whoever changed ML's post, props for getting the computer she posted on. You have typed on the same keyboard as we have. You are now awesome by association.
However, the props I gave you is now revoked because you said "silly me". Come on now. That was not clever or funny. You typed in all caps and what you said wasn't funny or anything and you ended it with "silly me". That was disappointing.
In fact, you get negative points for being such a douche. If you wanted to you could've made your own post and wrote like a paragraph and heck, we could've even had a new admin but NOPE. You suck, man. From two sentences I have gathered the information that you do not have what it takes to be on this blog. And for that, I feel sorry for you.

Shame.

KatCentral

Two things

One I want to know who changed my post. 

I remember leaving it up but when the fuck did someone come and change it. You don't know how pissed I am right now. 

And I'm a liar.

KS and her mom invited my to spend the weekend with them. 

I lied and said I was at a graduation in a city far away. 

I was at my Granny's jumping on her trampoline. And I don't wanna go anywhere this weekend. I might go and sit at the library for a while but other than that nothing. And on Monday my family is having a barbecue so I can't go anywhere and I invited Kat so I won't be alone. 

Anyways I lied and stuff and her mom was like kk love u and in my head I was like... Are you serious with that. But I said it back. 

So yeah. I lied. But I just didn't want to just go nah I don't want to. 

I'm Going to go change my post and eat some pizza then go watch The Hangover. 

Cya later. 

MusicalLover

*Rolling my eyes*

First and four-most, shut up Kat.
Just shut up.
Dumb a** post trying to predict the future...
(Hope you get hit by a bus.)

Anyways yeah JB really did that. I swear I was laughing so hard i almost peed on myself. Shit like that only happens in the movies. Oh but we create movie moments so I should have known. Should have known.

Anyways there is this girl in my Algebra 2 class that I can't stand. She is so spoiled. Let me tell you a story.
So she was talking in class about how here parents bought her a brand new car for her birthday and she didn't want it. It was a brand new car that came out maybe last year.
I am sitting here thinking if my parents bought me a car... it doesn't even have to be new, just a car, then i would praise and kiss the ground they walked on. Literally. Kiss it.
But no she told her parents to take it back because she wants a convertible.

Girl you are not on the coast, you are in the middle of Arkansas. AR-KAN-SAS.
Spoiled as girl, should be ashamed the way you acting. Just ugh.

Ok so yesterday I got hit on by some old dude. We had dropped my uncle off at his house (he cant drive because he was in the army and got shot in the knee and yeah). She we dropped him off at his apartment building and we were leaving. We had to go around this curve and some dude was walking and the windows were down so he yelled, "Hey little pretty."

I burst out laughing so hard after I called him a few choice words in my head. (My Grandmother was in the front seat.) That is what really got me. That my Grandmother was in the front seat. Like are you serious?

This is why you should not do drugs. No drugs.

So yeah, the worst part was he was ugly and crusty and just no. He needed some help.

So yeah but I got chocolate yesterday so I am happy.

We have to do musical theater in my drama class. It has to be based off of a nursery ryhme. My group choose Little Miss Muffet. We can use songs that we know but we have to change the lyrics. So my group is going to do Drive By - Train, Status Que - High School Musical, Titanium - David Guetta, On My Own - Les Mes. 

I can't stand people. 

Rant

I'm about to rant.

Okay so my stepmother told me I needed to clean my room up because tomorrow and inspector is coming to inspect out apartment. 

So my room is usually messy but it is easy to clean. It's just paper, books, clothes, and shoes thrown everywhere.

So she tells me and my brother to go clean the kitchen up. She is sitting at the computer drinking something from Sonic and texting. 

So me and my brother do the dishes and she goes back into her room. 

So after we get done with the dishes my brother sweeps the floor and I wipe off the counters.

I got the harder job. Cause let me tell you something. If people in my house spill something they are so lazy they can't get a towel and clean it up. 

I don't do that. My mother would kill me if I did. My brother tends to do it sometimes but if its big enough he will go clean it. 

So yeah there is this GLOB of melted cheese on one counter, globs of pudding everywhere, food, sauces, and it's all dried. So I spend about 15 minutes trying to get the counters done. By that time my brother has left and is in his room. 

Then my father comes in the kitchen with a cup and just sets it on the counter. 

Just sets it there and walks off.

My face at that moment: -_- 

He know damn well he could have put that cup in the dishwasher. The sink at the latest, since I was cleaning the counters.

So I finish with that and move on to the stove. 

Lemme explain bout my stove. I refuse to clean it. I told my stepmother I would clean counters and do dishes and she said okay.

But she doesn't clean her stove. At all. 

If something spills it just sits there and dries. So I usually end up cleaning it because I can't stand to look at the dried up food and stuff. I don't do it everyday but still.

If I didn't no one would and it would be utterly disgusting.

My main problem with that is how the hell do you cook on that and still expect me to eat that food? It makes me want to throw up thinking about it.

It's so gross.

And so it takes me about 20 minutes to clean the stove top. And about 10 more to do the inside. 

So then I go to wipe off the sinks and that goes by quickly.

So I try to straighten things up and I look over to where my stepmother was sitting earlier and there is a huge mess and just ugh. It's like she really didn't care. 

I didn't clean it up because it wasn't my problem but still really. 

So I go back to my room and I barely have time to clean my room before I want to get in the bed. (I have a self-appointed bedtime.)

I pass her room and see two plates with food on them. Like I wasn't washing dishes a minute ago. It's not like she or my father takes there shit in there. She should have called me at the least like she always does so I could get them plates but I am not going to worry about it cause it ain't my problem. 

So I clean up my room and walk by and she goes, "What are you doing up? Shouldn't you be in the bed?" 

I really wanted to say No shxt.

Like really now. You told me to clean your nasty ass kitchen and my room. It's not like I can't do it at the same time. 

And here is another thing. When she is in there cooking and doing stuff it's her kitchen but when it's time for it to be cleaned its the kitchen. 

Can't stand when people do stuff like that. It's annoying and just mean and selfish. 

Yeah. The real problem is I didn't get to write anymore today and before I started cleaning the kitchen I just started to feel really bad and depressed. I didn't know why or where it came from it just happened. I had Neon Cathedral -Macklemore and Demons - Imagine Dragons on repeat. 

So yeah. My evening wasn't the best.

MusicalLover

Spanish

Those people with the little Comcast box and the little remote that has the Spanish/English button on it. 

Yeah, y'all should try that button out. I was watching The Princess and the Frog and accidentally hit that button and it was just hilarious. 

Like seriously funny. 

MLover

O.o

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that's when you met me.

"What...what happened?" You asked. "Where am I?"

"You died." I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

"There was a... a truck and it was skidding..."

"Yup," I said.

"I... I died?"

"Yup. But don't feel bad about it. Everyone dies," I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. "What is this place?" You asked. "Is this the afterlife?"

"More or less," I said.

"Are you God?" You asked.

"Yup," I replied. "I'm God."

"My kids... my wife," you said.

"What about them?"

"Will they be all right?"

"That's what I like to see," I said. "You just died and your main concern is for your family. That's good stuff right there."

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn't look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

"Don't worry," I said. "They ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn't have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If its any consolation, shell feel guilty for feeling relieved."

"Oh," you said. "So what happens now? Do I ho to heaven or hell or something?"

"Neither," I said. "You'll be reincarnated."

"Ah," you said. "So the Hindus were right."

"All religions are right in their own way," I said. "Walk with me."

You followed along as we strode through the void. "Where are we going?"

"Nowhere in particular," I said. "It's just nice to walk while we talk."

"So what's the point then?" You asked. "When I get reborn, I'll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won't matter."

"Not so1" I said. "You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don't remember them right now."

I stopped walking and took you be the shoulders. "Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. Its like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if its hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you've gained all the experiences it had.

"You've been in a human for the past 48 years, so you haven't stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you'd start remembering everything. But there's no point to doing that between each life."

"How many times have I been reincarnated, then?"

"Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives. "This time around, you'll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD."

"Wait, what?" You stammered. "You're sending me back in time?"

"Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.

"Where you come from?" You said.

"Oh sure," I explained "I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you'll want to know what its like there, but honestly you wouldn't understand."

"Oh," you said, a little let down. "But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point."

"Sure. Happens all the tie. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don't even know its happening."

"So whats the point of it all?"

"Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? Your asking me for the meaning of life? Isn't that a little stereotypical?"

"Well its a reasonable question," you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. "The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature."

"You mean mankind? You want us to mature?"

"No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and became a larger and greater intellect."

"Just me? What about everyone else?"

"There is no one else," I said. "In this universe, there's just you and me."

You stare blankly at me. "But all the people on earth..."

"All you. Different incarnations of you."

"Wait. I'm everyone!?"

"Now you're getting it," I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

"I'm every human being who ever lived?"

"Or who will ever live, yes."

"I'm Abraham Lincoln?"

"I'm Hitler?" You said, appalled

"And you're the millions he killed."

"I'm Jesus?"

"And you're everyone who followed him."

You fell silent.

"Every time you victimized someone," I said, "you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you've done, you've done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you."

You thought for a long time.

"Why?" You asked me. " Why do all this?"

"Because someday, you will become like me. Because that's what you are. You're one of my kind. You're my child."

"Whoa," you said, incredulous. "You mean I'm a god?"

"No. Not yet. You're a fetus. You re still growing. Once you've lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born."

"So the whole universe," you said, "Its just..."

"An egg." I answered. "Now its time for you to move on to your next life."

And I sent you on your way.

KatCentral

So Im looking at other blogs...

And many of them are either all about religion, or all about their at-home life with their kids. What the mess guys. I did not realize this is what blogs are for. This is, in short, news to me. I guess people have a different definition of a blog.

Blog. noun. A Web site in which an individual or group of users record opinions, information, etc. on a regular basis.

I think we fit the bill, though while we usually present our opinions, everyone else is presenting information. And how cute the information is (i.e. those with baby or toddler pictures on their blog)  I was not aware of this fact. But I can best ML is going to get on me later today saying something along the lines of;

"Why did you say all that stuff about other blogs? Why should I care about other peoples blogs?" etc.

To which I will respond,

"Because its true, and I never said you had to care I just wanted to say it."

And she will still not understand and be silently pissed at me for about 5 minutes more than forget about it and I shall be rolling my eyes in my head about her overreaction.

But, because  I just predicted her reaction, she wont react this way, and she will probably get mad at me for predicting her overreaction instead and say something along the lines of,

"Why did you say I would say that? I dont say stuff like that. I wasnt going to say that. I wasnt even thinking that."

To which I will reply,

"You wouldve said it or something along the lines of it if I hadnt predicted it. Because me saying what you are going to do is like me telling you what to do in your mind, and in everyones mind, so you would say something like that but you wont because I said you would."

And she would be utterly confused and I probably would be too. But now she wont say either of those things because I predicted it (unless her sole reason is to prove me wrong) and she will be furious with me after reading this.

On a totally different note, JB tried to do a high kick, and, instead, when her foot was in the air her other foot lost its balance and flew out from under her and she was on the floor crying, "Mommaaaa" for about 5 minutes. She was otherwise unaharmed. I thought that only happened in the movies.

KatCentral

Annoyed

So I flat - ironed my hair today. 

Took me about four hours. 

I was late for school. 

It was heavy and all in my face.

And it seemed as though those people close to my aka my friends didn't even like, care, or notice it. 

Well fuck you guys. 

I got a shit - load of compliments from people who aren't close to me but I got a shit load of complaints and just SHIT from my friends. 

Screw you. 

Now I'm going to eat pie (fuck this diet) and go curl up with a book and music. 

MusicalLover

Über - B*tch

About to complain about my stepmother again. 

So I need to wash my hair. I was going to do it earlier but she put my little sisters and brother in there and it always takes a while. 

So afterward I was about to get in but no. She tells my brother that we need to go clean up the kitchen. 

I wasn't here last night so there are about two days worth of stuff. Because apparently my brother doesn't know how to load the dishwasher up by himself. He needs my help. 

So anyways I have been feeling kind of off. I have been really hot and my head hurts kind of. But when I got up I felt nauseated. But I go in the kitchen anyways. Despite the fact that I have to wash my hair and twist it up so I can at least attempt to flat iron it tomorrow. 

Just washing an twisting it will take two hours or something. And I'm tired and not feeling good. 

But still go in the kitchen. And started doing the dishes. I had the dishwasher filled and was rinsing the dishes before I wash them when I felt this really bad urge to throw up. 

I turn the water off and rest my head on the edge of the sink. My brother who is standing right next to me watches me do all of this and didn't say a single thing.

He actually went to the refrigerator, got out a cup, and got some water. And drank it. 

So I went and sat in the bathroom. 

And my stepmother walks by two times and doesn't say anything. 

Then she has to come in the bathroom to get something and she sees me. 

She goes, "****** what's wrong with you?"

I said, "I feel like throwing up."

She goes, "What."

I say again, " I feel like throwing up."

She looks at me then walks out the bathroom into her room. 

So then she walks by a couple of times and them going back towards the kitchen she yells, "Hurry up, ******!"

She freaking tells me to hurry up. 

I hate being told to hurry up anyways but how the hell am I supposed to hurry up and throw up? 

When she walks back to her room, "Get up." 

She tells me to get up. 

I don't 

In my head all I am thinking is And you call yourself a mother. 

I'm sitting on the bathroom floor saying I don't feel good and I am about to throw up and you tell me to hurry up and get up. 

Are you serious?

So then she tells my brother to stop and go back in his room. So I'm currently still sitting on the bathroom floor. And she is watching YouTube videos on the computer and the volume is up really loud.

Doesn't even give a shit about me. 

I vow never to be like her. 

In front of all the viewers, Kat, and God I vow not to be like my stepmother. 

I can't wait for summertime so I can get the f**k out of here. 

MusicalLover

Demons

When the days are cold

And the cards all fold

And the saints we see

Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail

And the ones we hail

Are the worst of all

And the blood’s run stale

I want to hide the truth

I want to shelter you

But with the beast inside

There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed

We still are made of greed

This is my kingdom come

This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat

Look into my eyes

It’s where my demons hide

It’s where my demons hide

Don’t get too close

It’s dark inside

It’s where my demons hide

It’s where my demons hide

When the curtain’s call

Is the last of all

When the lights fade out

All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave

And the masquerade

Will come calling out

At the mess you made

Don’t want to let you down

But I am hell bound

Though this is all for you

Don’t want to hide the truth

No matter what we breed

We still are made of greed

This is my kingdom come

This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat

Look into my eyes

It’s where my demons hide

It’s where my demons hide

Don’t get too close

It’s dark inside

It’s where my demons hide

It’s where my demons hide

They say it's what you make

I say it's up to fate

It's woven in my soul

I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright

I want to save their light

I can't escape this now

Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat

Look into my eyes

It’s where my demons hide

It’s where my demons hide

Don’t get too close

It’s dark inside

It’s where my demons hide

It’s where my demons hide

"Demons" - Imagine Dragons

Think it sounds fitting. 

Dear Stepmother

Excuse all the cussing and language in this. I'm upset and need to rant. 

Dear Stepmother/Bitch,

Don't catch an attitude with for some little shxt that doesn't even matter. Are you fucking serious with that. 

You know damn well that my brother can take out the trash by himself. He isn't going to get taped from the little distance he needs to walk. The fuck is up with that?

And then getting mad because I took to long to put my shoes on and my brother had already taken out the trash. 

I'm sorry all your baby shxt is into closet and I had to go in there and look for shoes. And I'm sorry that my brother decided he didn't need me to take out the trash. 

That's sarcasm that you never seem to pick up on even though you say that you know everything that goes on. 

Ha! Please. You wish you knew. 

You are too busy texting your friends to notice that your kids are back there yelling and screaming and then get mad at them when they get louder. It's them trying to get some attention dumb fuck. And then getting mad when they tell me something. It's not like you were listening to them. 

Yeah and don't get mad when I don't put a sheet on my bed after some baby threw up on it and you just left it there so I had to clean it off. 

The fuck is up with that. 

And you are one of the most wasteful person I have ever met. Who the hell goes to the store and buys two Dr. Pepper's comes home and throws the one that is still half full by the way in the trash. You never drink the full Dr. Pepper but you can go buy bottle after bottle. But I can't get some fucking yogurt. Are you serious???

And if I ask you to do something and you say you are going to do it don't get mad when I remind you about it. And then u still don't do it but I do everything leading up to that. 

I'm so sick and tried of that shit. You are so fucking bipolar it hurts my eyes to see you mood change. 

And GOD please stop fighting with my father in front of your children or yell so damn loud they can hear. The come to me and ask me stuff. I'm tired of not knowing what to tell them after they cry and say I want Daddy to stop yelling at mommy. 

You want me to be some God fearing Christian? WELL I CAN'T. 

I'm not like you. I don't choke down the opinions my parents shove downy throat. I throw them back up. 

I would like to form my own opinions. I don't want to be some carbon copy Barbie. Stop making me eat less because you think I'm fat. Jesus fucking Christ I'm so tired of that. 

And OMG. If you cook hotdogs one more time then turn around and make steak and potatoes for you and my father I will scream bloody murder. 

Also if you tell me to wash my plate off after I'm done using it and put it in the dishwasher I expect you do the same.

I don't expect you to let it sit there and get hard. That's so fucking disgusting. And I just choke it down and wash it because that's what I do. 

I'm so tired of going into the kitchen and seeing a shxt load of dishes I have to wash that have food left on or in them. I'm tired when you tell me to leave something out and you do nothing with it and the next day it's dried out and just FUCKING NASTY. 

I know you love your children more than me but you don't have to treat me like trash. I can't even get a birthday or Christmas gift but they get over $200 dollars spent on them at Christmas. 

God and then when me and my brother are gone you go and you make them pancakes and all sorts of things but on the weekends you're too tired and I end up eating cereal. 

But I swear to GOD if you catch an attitude with me one more time and I haven't bothered you all day, I will catch one back and it will be twice the size of yours. 

I'm sick and tired of being treated like crap in my own family. 

I'm so ready to get out of here. 

And I'm not coming back. 

MusicalLover

Texts I havent sent

Old crush: Let me refresh your memory a bit. I was the one who listened to your problems. I was the one who took your  bullshxt. I was the one who actually cared about you. I was the one who stuck around when everyone told me to leave. I was the one who stood up for you. I was the one who loved you when you gave me every reason not to. Lastly, I was the one who was there for you when no one else was. So I hope your little 'show' is over and I hope it was worth it.
ML; JB:As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to let us down probably will. You'll have your heart broken, more than once, and its harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when someone broke yours. You'll fight with your best friend and maybe even fall in love with them. You'll blame a new love for something an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast and you'll eventually lose someone close to you. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every 60 seconds you spend angry or upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
ML; JB:Dear best friend, You're stupid. You fail. You're weird. You're not perfect. But that's okay. I'm like that too. We laugh at the randomest things. You know my ugliest side. Even though we disagree sometimes, we never fight. When I'm sad, you're always there to make sure I'm okay. Thanks for being there for me. I love you.
J: I cant date you. If you cant handle my weirdness, sarcasm, stupid jokes, and my tendency to laugh at almost everything.
KS: You had to have seen my message so your just not responding i don't know but I need to say some stuff. I'm sorry I got involved that night okay but you threw some stuff on ML and she didn't know what to do I'm her back up i don't even know. But it happened. I don't know what else happened in result of that except a few things that i cant type but OMIGOSH KS, i miss you a lot. ML does too, you know how hard it is for her to say stuff you'd know more than me about her cause you've been friends longer and hello? I don't know why you thought you were excluded or something. Your life is not a movie! There's no need to cause drama for yourself. You have what it takes to make something of yourself. And you must have realized by know you don't need us to do that. You tried to hurt yourself and instead you hurt those around you.

KatCentral

P.S. I was not being racist. I don't even see how ML can be offended by what I said because my comment wasn't racist and even if it had been she's not that race. Which is Mexican. A bunch of my best friends are Mexican. She's just an idiot. (She = ML)

LALALALALA

Hehe hi. 

And seriously I though I was signing up for an account to vote for the artist. I didn't know that I where the actual artist sign up. 

And nope I can't sing so I won't be doing it. Going to delete that account somehow. 

Anyways school has been CRAZY! I have so much stuff to do an turn in. And the year is winding down and I am trying really hard not to get stressed out. 

Next yes KS moved. I saw her for like a minute before she moved and her family. They said bye and we laughed some and then they were off. 

And I am completely obsessed with Muse right now. How awesome are they? 

Very. 

Next lets see. I feel as though I have a lot to tell you but I can't think of everything. 

Oh so we have to debate in Communications. The two chicks me and my partner are going against are very competitive and there wasn't a lot on out topic so it's kind of hard. 

We have to do a small musical in my drama class. 8 minutes at the least. I don't want to do it. Don't wanna dance and sing in front of the entire class. I don't care how small it is. 

My mom bought a house. 

She won't let me write on the walls. 

Not yet anyways. 

Cause trust me when I say those walls will be filled with LYRICS AND SAYINGS. 

And I am going to decorated locker next year I think with lyrics. Also I need to start cleaning my locker out. 

*sigh* Gonna miss all my nerds when it's summer time.

Also JB's bday is coming up and I have no idea what to get her. I asked her what she wanted and she said she didn't know. So that made it really clear... NOT! 

Ooo and if you haven't heard Ready Aim Fire by Imagine Dragons you need to go look that up. It's a bada** song. 

And I'm Blexican now. Black and Mexican. I stood up for Mexicans today cause Kat was being racist. Kat is just Blite. Black and white. 

Anyways I have a saying for you guys but I don't know who it is by. 

The world is always seen in black and white. But sometimes there has to be some color. 

And now lyrics!!!!!!!:

Woah

With out backs to the wall, the darkness would fall 

Never quite thought we could loose it all 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire 

An empire's falling just one day 

You close your eyes and the glory fades 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire away (fire!) 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire away 

Off in the distance, staring's resistant 

Bottling up and festering 

Hey Mr Motion, make me a potion 

Shake it all up with your mystery 

How come I've never seen your face 'round here? 

I know every single face 'round here 

A man on a mission, changing the vision 

I was never welcome here 

We don't have a choice to stay 

We'd rather die than do it your way 

With our backs to the wall, the darkness would fall 

We never quite thought we could loose it all 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire 

An empire's falling just one day 

You close your eyes and the glory fades 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire away (fire!) 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire away 

Back in the casing, shaking and pacing 

This is the tunnel's light 

Blood in the writing, stuck in the fighting 

Look through the riffle's sight 

How come I've never seen your face 'round here? 

I know every single face 'round here 

Here in the heckle, holding the shackle 

I was never welcome here 

We don't have a choice to stay 

We'd rather die than do it your way 

With our backs to the wall, the darkness would fall 

We never quite thought we could loose it all 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire 

An empire's falling just one day 

You close your eyes and the glory fades 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire away (fire!) 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire away 

Woah 

With our backs to the wall, the darkness would fall 

We never quite thought we could loose it all 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire 

An empire's falling just one day 

You close your eyes and the glory fades 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire away (fire!) 

Ready aim fire, Ready aim fire away

I love the part where he goes Hey Mr. Motion make me a potion. 

And that's all folks. 

MusicalLover

YOU GUYS

I forgot to say. I wanted to tell K everything. I mean ev. ry. thing. All. So I texted her hi. In one of her rants she told me and ML to delete her number from our phones but since when do I do what people say? So I said "Hi" and I was praying I picked the right phone number because i have like, three, so if it was her mom's i would've been screwed because her mom hates my guts but anyhoo, I had said hi. Keep in mind this was like a month ago. So three days after I said hi she said, and i quote, "Hewroo...". She was trying to say hello in some weird way i don't know but I took that as an opening and we had a conversation. It was awkward for the first few texts then i sucked it up and...talked...about...twilight (barf) But i know she likes twilight and i just want to be friends so then the ice was broken. we haven't talked since then.
Oh, wait, yes we have. She moved, you guys!!!! She moved a few towns away so no more nightmares of her coming to our school and shooting me in the head! YAY! Its pretty obvious that shes not coming to our school now. I have to admit I'm pretty happy about that. I just dont want the drama.
And OMYFREAKING GOSH I talked to J today I am so proud of myself. So firstly, yesterday, I was in gym. Wait, before the first, I was talking to this guy who I had forgotten I hate because he is going out with this girl, and also made out with my friend. But Im not going to get into that they can solve it on their own. But the cheater was talking to a girl, who was talking to J O.O YES. So i entered the convo and HE STOPPED TALKING. I was like, oh really? Seriously? Then I went to talk to other people and he started talking again. Either he hates me more than I originally thought or i make him as nervous as he makes me. Which would be awesome. But in second block, JB was finishing a project on the computer. So J and his friend CK walked over and started talking. And we were all talking together! At one point J got JB back by using the smart board while she was using the computer and I didn't know why the computer was going crazy till I realized. That was smart guys. Smart.

KatCentral

Welcome to HIGH SCHOOL

Where you will be judged on your appearance.
Where you wont be able to talk to any of your friends.
Where the drama will fill your head with anxiety.
Where you should be worrying about schoolwork, but you aren't.
Where you probably wont love the people around you.
Where your heart will be broken multiple times.
Where you will fail the big test you studied for all night.
Where you will spend most of the day wishing you were elsewhere.
Where you will make friends and enemies.
Where you will get in fights and learn painful lessons.
Where six valuable hours of your day will be wasted.
Where you will see a lot of people that you really don't want to see.
Have a nice four years.

KatCentral

Whisper of the Heart

Um, ML just signed herself up for The Voice? I'm not sure how someone can do that without knowing they did it but okay. You can sing ML. Id be backstage watching on that TV like, "OMG THATS MY BABY" and crying and screaming and stuff once the judge picks her. Oh, and I found a new song a like from an anime called Whisper of the Heart
I dreamed of living alone but fearless
Secret longing to be courageous
Loneliness kept bottled up inside
Just reveal your brave face, they'll never know you lied
Country road, may lead me home
No i belong there, all on my own
destiny calls, motionless i stall
No I cant go, Country road
No matter how dark the world's inside me
Ill never stop to show a tear that I shed
But now I have to walk so fast
Running, sprinting to forget
what is lodged in my head
Country road, may lead me home
No I belong there, all on my own
Destiny calls, motionless I stall
No I cant go, Country road
Country road, la la la la
Youre a good friend, Ill never know
Same tomorrow, regret and sorrow
Cant take you home, Country road

KatCentral

Uh Oh

I may or may not have accidentally signed myself up to audition for The Voice.

I was bored in Physical Science and was Google searching different things and that popped up so I went to do it and yeah.

Hmmm... I think I would try though. I don't know.

Probably not.

Well then.





MusicalLover

Motha's Day!!!

So today is Mothers Day. I went to go see Iron Man 3 with my mom OMG it was the bomb!!! All this cool stuff happened I'm not gonna say my favorite parts I'm not gonna be a spoiler but the little kid that helped Tony Stark was so cute he reminded me of Gavroche from Les Miserables but an older, more modern version. I loved it, it was awesome. And, of course, RDJ is amazing and bada$$ *wipes tear*
OMG guess what you guys I went to friend J again and I saw his mothers day post and his mom commented all this "I don't know why God gave such a perfect boy to me because I don't deserve you" and all this other crap...um...yeah. I hope he realizes what he has. I'm not saying my parents don't say "I love you" and stuff, I know they do. But that was just like...I'm seriously curious to see how his life is at home. He kinda has the family I've dreamed of. The ones that take family photos, and who have never heard their parents yelling at each other at night. I dunno man I feel like I'm gonna cry.
I also just watched the little mermaid for the first time. And before you blow your top, I haven't seen a lot of Disney movies cause I didn't get the chance to when I was little. But now I have! I wish Ariel would stop crying about every little thing. Jeez. I mean, yes, your dad jacked up your life's work. Well I woulda been out there trying to see Eric again and being rebellious. But no, she had to go make a pact with a sea witch well dang chick, that one is on you. I like Mulan. She picked herself up, got to the top of the pole, she threw the arrow at his feet like "WHAT NOW". And he fell in love with her. If I was a boy, Id fall in love with a girl who can fight for her man, not cry about him. Even though at the end Ariel kinda got it together even though it was the sea creatures and Eric who really did all the heavy lifting. Oh well. Ill watch The Little Mermaid 2 some other time.
Adios interwebs!

KatCentral

Full

I'm not gonna even talk about my favorite lyrics we would be here all day. 

What I am going to talk about is how fat I feel right now. 

Me, Kat, and JB went downtown to this place where there are booths set up for people selling stuff and a lot of food stands in one place. I'm not gonna say the name because then you would know. Well I don't know but whatever. 

Anyways we went and ate and I got Mexican nachos and fajitas. And then we got cupcakes. An me and KB got watermelon. I feel so fat. And full. 

All I wanna do is curl up and take a nap. 

All this wa yesterday. 

MmysicalLover

My Favorite Lyrics

1. Dance hard, laugh more, turn the music up now! Party like a rock star! Can I get a what now? I swear Ill do anything that I have to 'til I forget about you! And you thought, id be here on my own. Waiting for you to knock on my door. Since you left I don't wait by the phone. I'm moving I'm moving I'm moving. Found a place where I can lose myself, and just leave your memory on the shelf, see I'm fine i don't need anybody else cause I'm going I'm going I'm going I'm going.
2. Dance hard, laugh more, turn the music up now! Party like a rock star! Can I get a what now? I swear Ill do anything that I have to 'til I forget about you!
3. If you cant catch a wave then you're never gonna ride it! Don't push me Ill fight it! Never gonna give in never gonna give it up No! You cant take me! I'm free!
4. Shoot me down, but I wont fall, I am titanium!
5. Take my hand, and leave me to salvation! Take my love, for love is everlasting. And remember, the truth that once was spoken, to love another person is to see the face of God...
6. Man hurts man, time and time, time again! And we drown in the wake of our own power, somebody tell me why??

Big Time Rush, Bryan Adams, David Guetta, Les Miserables, and Amy Grant.
I just added Big Time Rush because I kinda feel that way about you-know-who (once again I am not talking about Lord Voldemort).

KatCentral