I did fairly well on. Not as good as I may have wanted. I had friends who made higher to me and that didn't matter, I'm not upset with them. I'm upset with myself.
I don't take standardized test well or timed test. I have a problem concentrating and I hate being in a damn room with other people and it being so quiet. I hate test.
I want to go to Columbia or Stanford or Northwestern. These are very selective colleges and I need or want to get at least a 28 on the ACT. My composite score on this plan test was a 21. That's seven points away.
But I need scholarships. My family can't afford to put me through college and I don't have a full ride lined up like Kat or my younger brother. I have to apply and apply and hope that I get enough to get me through at least 4 years. But I want my doctorate so...
I'm disappointed that I didn't score higher. And that's all people fucking care about. Is fucking test scores. These kids in my class look at me every time the teacher is like guess who got the highest score. It's annoying as hell because sometimes test and assignments don't help show how smart the student is.
My English teacher is a good teacher and a nice person but he pissed me off today when he was talking to a group of students and he showed them this other girl's test score and was like I expected better.
You want to know what that should tell him? It should tell him that maybe she's not a good test take or was having an off day. Not that she's fucking stupid or not motivated.
I'm looking at this test and I'm just so damn mad at myself. This is what I wanted. I want to be successful.
My biology teacher started talking about how people who come from a poor background don't want to have anything to do with that background when they get older and of they become successful.
People may ask what is successful to you? Success to me is being able to say I'm doing something I love, I can pay all my bills and still take nice vacations and have nice things, providing for my family, and being happy.
My father couldn't even pay for groceries one time. And I remember when I was living with my mother how we had the crappiest apartment and how we always had to eat lunch at school because sometimes we didn't have dinner. My father used to live in his car.
I don't want to be like that. Some of you may be thinking but that's what made you who you are today and I accept that but I want my kids to have better. They are still going to learn the life lessons that I did just differently.
I'm just annoyed. I know exactly how my future goes. I just... I just need everything to fall into place.
MLover
No comments:
Post a Comment