You know, silence is really great. I mean really. Today I was sitting with my friends N***, S*****, and A******, just talking. N*** and S***** are like really close and N*** and A****** are really close I'm not even sure how S***** and A****** feel about each other but I had just met them today. I only knew N*** from like 7th grade when we talked for like 5 minutes in total then he went to Tokyo or whatever but here he is in 10th grade I'm in 9th and I can talk to him kinda sorta but then today I just felt like I was just there. I was listening to their conversation and if you know me you know that if I don't know you I wont talk. My mind just shuts down. Some people I have really good clickage with and I can talk to them straightaway when I meet them but some people I have to be around them for weeks before they see the real me. So these two people I don't know and this one guy I kinda know. I just watched them talk.
Then I moved down the bleachers to sit with these dorks; R***, C***, and this other guy I forget his name L***** or something but they were playing chess and I've known them for about half the year so I can talk to them okay most of the time but today I felt half there and Id laugh at whatever joke they were making but I just wanted to write in my notebook ya' know? So this girl, D********, I've known her for three years, she was one of my first friends but we weren't that close it was kind of like an acquaintance thing but we've always gotten along. I sat with her and she was doing Algebra homework and playing Temple Run where the Coach couldn't see and that was better. We talked to say "How are you doing" and stuff but we were just silent. She let me play Temple Run on her IPod while she listened to music. I didn't have to think or anything just slide my finger along the screen which is good because these days I really don't feel like thinking much of anything. Having an active imagination is both a blessing and curse.
My brother, little man, is pissing me off. A few days ago in the morning he said, and I quote: "Don't tell me what to do. Hurry up." How hypocritical. And he does debate and he's like the only freshman that got on the debate team last year so he thinks he's some big shxt but I'm sick of him telling me what to do and acting like he can have that privilege. He has anger issues and I AM SO SICK OF HIM every time he gets mad at me and hits me I get blamed for making him mad in the first place. I didn't do anything!!! Cant you see that? I am the one being punished here! Twice! Once being in the wrong place at the wrong time and again for having a brother who loses himself and apparently its my fault! They say he doesn't have anger issues but then what's the reason for him not being able to play video games that are violent; they say it might give him ideas; and why did he go to that psychiatrist?
ML please don't commit suicide. KS tried to. I hadn't spoken to her in a while but when she did I cried and I cant stop thinking about it. Of course I've thought about doing suicide too. I really don't want to but I kinda do. I'm safe until the summer though because I know I want to see my Dad one more time at least. My friend Q tried to commit suicide it took an hour or two of coaxing to bring him to his senses. I didn't think about committing myself. Then KS had to go and strive for attention.
J doesn't like finger painting.
And now I'm all alone again; Nowhere to go, no one to turn to; Did not want your money sir,
Came out here cause I was told to; And now the night is near; Now I can make believe he's here.
Sometimes I walk alone at night; When everybody else is sleeping; I think of him, and then I'm happy; With the company I'm keeping; The city goes to bed; And I can live inside my head
On my own; Pretending he's beside me; All alone; I walk with him till morning; Without him; I feel his arms around me; And when I lose my way I close my eyes; And he has found me.
In the rain; The pavement shines like silver; All the lights; Are misty in the river; In the darkness; The trees are full of starlight; And all I see is him and me for ever and forever.
And I know; It's only in my mind; That I'm talking to myself; And not to him; And although I know that he is blind; Still I say; There's a way for us.
I love him; But when the night is over; He is gone; The river's just a river; Without him, The world around me changes; The trees are bare and everywhere; The streets are full of strangers.
I love him; But every day I'm learning, All my life, I've only been pretending! Without me, His world will go on turning, The world is full of happiness that I have never known!
I love him... I love him... I love him... But only on my own...
KatCentral
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