Tired

What!
I'm back.

Nah not really.
I'm still depressingly sad at times, but I don't wanna kill myself.
Like I told dude the other day.
Where's the fun in that????
Nobody is gonna give a shit and I will just be another one of those teens who can't deal.
I'm finna show these motherf**kers. I will be someone.

Anyways... I'm still tired of all the shxt going on through my life but I'm okay.
I ready for summer so I can leave this dumb ass state and go up north with my mom.
I miss her.

Kat pointed out something to me about how it was ironic that I had on a heart necklace even though I don't believe in love.
No offense Kat but I wanted to punch the shxt out of you right then.
You didn't know though so it's okay.
The necklace I had on was from my Grandfather who is now resting peacefully in the ground. He only died about a year ago so it's still sad. It will always be sad but yeah.

I have a lot of homework to do in a short amount of time. And I'm trying to take care of my siblings while my stepmother is resting. So it's hard when there are four of them, and no one is really helping me.

I haven't talked to KS in a long time. It doesn't really hit me that hard since I don't know. I guess... I don't know.

I got my report card today and it looks good but my friend freaked out because she got her first C.
Yeah... She kinda pissed me off too, but it's her first so whatever. It is kinda her fault. Teacher don't like late work even if they say they will give you full credit. It's more work for them to grade and yeah. Just saying.

And so father is pissing me off. I got a new bed about a month ago and now my brother is getting a new bed. When I got a kindle my brother got one. I got an iPod and my brother got a phone. I can't have anything without my brother getting something like it or better. I want my own stuff. My brother doesn't even care about some of this stuff. Seriously is nothing sacred anymore.

So... I think I'm going to see a counselor this summer. Which is a therapist but not calling it that will make me feel better about going. So shut up. Eh... I'm trying to deal with to much stuff and its just not helping me mentally and emotionally.

And so the end of the year is coming which means I will no longer be a freshman. I'm getting old and I'm kinda ready to be a sophomore.

Okay so I'm addicted to Something I Need by OneRepublic. The first part is super amazing and totally describes how I feel. It is my song right now.




I had a dream the other night
About how we only get one life
Woke me up right after two
Stayed awake and stared at you
So I wouldn't lose my mind

And I had the week that came from hell
And yes I know that you can tell
But you're like the net under the ledge
But I go flying off the edge
You go flying off as well

And if you only die once I wanna die with
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)

Last night I think I drank too much
Call it our temporary crutch
With broken words I tried to say
Honey don't you be afraid
If we got nothing we got us (Yeah)

And if you only die once I wanna die with
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)

I know that we're not the same
But I'm so damn glad that we made it
To this time, this time, now

You got something I need
Yeah in this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (Yeah)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)

If we only die once I wanna die with
If we only live once I wanna live with you

"Something I Need"
- OneRepublic