Dear God

Dear God,

I feel like killing myself.

Hi up there. Yeah I'm currently sitting on my living room floor trying to do math and thinking about what it would feel like to die.

I'm confused and tired and the pollen is messing up my allergies.

Please don't me serious because I very am. I seriously feel like dying right now. And I am not joking.

Just think about...

All the blood leaving my body because I cut myself and my once full of life eyes going helpless. I probably wouldn't be found until the morning time. Maybe not until later that afternoon if I am lucky.

Or me gasping for that last breathe as the string cuts off the air supply to my lungs. Some dark song playing in the background begging and dragging my unwilling spirit to the underworld.

So many different was to do it.

But no... You have given me enough strength to come and type out my problems. So here I am.

Trying to do my algebra homework is like the breaking point of this day. I can't take anymore. I'm extremely tired and I just wanted to come home and finish it quickly so I could watch my show.

Oh course you had other plans for me.

Cause yesterday my stepmother messed up her ankle and I knew... I knew my father would do this to me.

I know my father works at night so he needs his sleep during the day. You would think he would step up a little bit.

But no you allowed my father to get suck. Not like deadly sick but sick. And since me and him don't really get sick often he feels like crap.

And you gave me my brother who just likes to watch random YouTube videos all day and not help me.

So here I am watching my siblings and the other children my stepmother keeps by myself. And I'm currently trying to pass ninth grade.

And then you gave us this lovely spring whether. You know with all the freaking pollen so now I'm having allergy problems but I am the only one who can really watch them right now.

My stepmother can't walk. My father can't yell, is tired, works at night, and is lazy either way. My brother doesn't pay attention and doesn't care.

So here I am stepping up.

Came home today in a pissed off mood. Don't ask me why because I don't know. Do you?

Are you trying to put bipolar in me now because I was happy minutes before that but then I went to get my stuff and everything just went away.

So I don't talk. Walk to my bus. Walk to my house.

Eat some cereal because we have no other food.

Go in my room determined to crack this homework and watch my show and go to sleep.

Nah you decide to get my father to take the 5 kids outside. I know you saw that. You say me struggle as I out their shoes on while my brother laughed to some stupid video. I know you say when the damn wasp started coming closer and closer. I know you say when the kids ran everywhere.

I know you did. You see all.

And I'm trying not to touch my damn face because I have already inhaled enough pollen that day.

So then they pick flowers and we go back upstairs. It took my 25 minutes to calm them down and for my father to get out of bed to tell them shut up,

They don't listen to me. You know that.

So I go in my room determined to finally do my homework.

But nope, you have me go back outside to take pictures of the kids with their flowers where I wasp takes nest in my hair. Thanks for that!

So I finally screamed it away. Screamed.... Loudly.

So now I go and I really need to get my stuff done.

Nah you want me to make the kids hotdogs since that is mostly the only thing to cook. You know that thing that my stepmother makes to much of that I hate it but will eat when I'm really hungry and I know there won't be anymore food. Yeah those things.

Next up homework.

Yeah I sit down while the hotdogs were cooking. And open my Algebra 2 book because I know we have a quiz tomorrow.

Thanks for making this shxt so fucking confusing it just makes me happiness plummet.

I can't even get passed the first question. I'm sitting here my mind is racing trying to figure out to do. I'm looking through my notes and my book.

And I just don't get it.

My parents don't get it.
My brother doesn't even know what it is.

And I'm just here.

Thanks.

I am not blaming you for this but can you please help me.

Yeah I know there are way more important things than a suicidal 14 year old girl who can't get passed her homework to watch tv but you know can I have a little piece of you right now.

Just a piece.

I'm so tired and confused and I just feel like someone shxtted in my Rice Krispies.

You may think I'm overreacting but compared to the fucking life I have had I'm not.

Especially when I combine all the bad things I have gone through and all the complications and just everything. What about that???
Can we talk about that????

I got no help them can I get some now. I just need to know you are up there and you hear me. You know I'm here.

I'm tired of doing this without you.

I'm so tired...













MusicalLover9816