The first one was for Kat/Erin since I used her real name.
Anyways I had some fun this weekend. Went over Kierra's and messed around with her family. We started making these homemade horror films that actually turned out really well. But as we sat back to watch them all we started noticing eyes and faces and the Ouija board actually moved when we asked questions. And then they set a spirit free because they took their hands off and didn't say goodbye. Some people actually called the police on us because we were screaming so loud. We freaked out the police officer with the makeup we had on.
So then after we were done we started taking the makeup off and we heard scratching on the wall and whistling. So everyone is in the back and the Ouija board was still out and we went back up there and it had moved from the table to the couch. So then we were all up front messing around on Facebook and stuff and the bathroom door closed by itself. And so we started snapping random pictures of things and watching the videos over again. In the videos we say eyes in this flower and in the bathroom and stuff we hadn't seen before. And in the picture of the bathroom we say this portal that seriously freaked us out and we ended up all staying in the living room together.
Fun right.
Nerd
Showing posts with label MusicalLover9816. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MusicalLover9816. Show all posts
Monday, September 30, 2013
Lied
First of all I lied Erin. I just wanted to see what your face would look like. It wasn't that funny. So now I feel like I should think of something better. It's not like you pay attention to me anyways.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Fro Yo
Went and got Frozen Yougurt with Kat and JB today.
Sometimes you just need time with your friends.
Had fun, laughed a lot.
Just an update.
MusicalLover9816
Sometimes you just need time with your friends.
Had fun, laughed a lot.
Just an update.
MusicalLover9816
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Connection
Sorry me or Kat haven't posted in a while. It's not like people actually read or comment or whatever.
Anyways so I'm laying in bed. My iPod is on shuffle and How To Save A Life by The Fray comes on.
I'm reading so I'm not really paying attention to the song but then it gets to the end and I start paying attention and the chorus of the songs reminds me of something.
This chorus is:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
So it's towards the end where they just repeat that over and over again and I'm actually listening and it reminds me of the night KS tried to commit suicide.
I mean seriously.
I stayed up all night that night freaking out.
I lost a friend for a better part of it. I mean we are trying again but still.
And I have asked myself repeatedly what I could have done to fix it and make it right or whatever.
So I'm listening and it's going off and I'm like damn.
That's music for you.
MusicalLover9816
Anyways so I'm laying in bed. My iPod is on shuffle and How To Save A Life by The Fray comes on.
I'm reading so I'm not really paying attention to the song but then it gets to the end and I start paying attention and the chorus of the songs reminds me of something.
This chorus is:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
So it's towards the end where they just repeat that over and over again and I'm actually listening and it reminds me of the night KS tried to commit suicide.
I mean seriously.
I stayed up all night that night freaking out.
I lost a friend for a better part of it. I mean we are trying again but still.
And I have asked myself repeatedly what I could have done to fix it and make it right or whatever.
So I'm listening and it's going off and I'm like damn.
That's music for you.
MusicalLover9816
Monday, April 15, 2013
Songs + MTV Movie Awards
I put my iPod on shuffle today right for all my songs. So For The First Time came on by The Script.
And it was just awesome because I hadn't heard that song in so long. And it's a shamed because I love The Script and I love that song. I mean when it first came out I sung it like everyday.
I say all this likes it's been a really long but really it been like what two years at the most.
But I did hear Hey Yeah! by OutKast the other day and was like OMG THIS WAS THE SONG.
I remember that song. I love that song. So when I heard it I was like freaking out
It made me think about all the songs I don't listen to anymore but love.
I'm FINNA look up some old songs.
Wanna go back to my childhood. The best part of my childhood.
Now onto the MTV Movie Awards.
Rebel Wilson hosted. I think she did good. It wasn't the best but she had some funny moments and yeah.
So Macklemore preformed and I loved it. He was jumping around and just wouldn't stop moving. I swear it's like her was high or something but it was AWESOME.
The Pitch Perfect cast preformed and it was awesome too.
Selena Gomez preformed and she sounded a little strained and hoarse. She did an okay job, but I think she took the Indian beat of her song to far.
Especially since she isn't Indian.
Taylor Lautner won't for Best Shirtless, but that was obvious with all the lovely Twilight fans out there.
TEAM JACOB!!!!!!
Best Movie was The Avengers. I saw The Avengers with Kat and loved it. Awesome movie.
Emma Watson won the Trailblazer Award. I love Emma!!!!!!!!! They showed her as Hermione and I was just amazed at how much she grew up. Awww
Oh so Bradley Cooper won the first award and gave this speech. So it kinda made everyone uncomfortable though when he started talking about veterans. I mean Veterans rock! Most of my family has been in the Armed Forces, but Bradley just took the mood down.
So everything else was good. I liked it and laughed at some jokes and stuff.
So yeah.
Now I'm tired.
My father forgot to drop this book off so now I have to freaking pay late fees. And I need index cards... I gotta give a speech.
And oh,
Dear People who rant on Facebook,
Yeah don't. My friend did yesterday and its just like... Why don't you tell the person you got a problem with that. When you don't put people's names in it that doesn't mean they know who you are talking about. And if you aren't friends with them then you look stupid. Because if you are gonna talk about someone... Say it to there face. Don't sit and talk behind there back.
Anyways can we kill the drama????
No....
Well then.
MusicalLover9816
And it was just awesome because I hadn't heard that song in so long. And it's a shamed because I love The Script and I love that song. I mean when it first came out I sung it like everyday.
I say all this likes it's been a really long but really it been like what two years at the most.
But I did hear Hey Yeah! by OutKast the other day and was like OMG THIS WAS THE SONG.
I remember that song. I love that song. So when I heard it I was like freaking out
It made me think about all the songs I don't listen to anymore but love.
I'm FINNA look up some old songs.
Wanna go back to my childhood. The best part of my childhood.
Now onto the MTV Movie Awards.
Rebel Wilson hosted. I think she did good. It wasn't the best but she had some funny moments and yeah.
So Macklemore preformed and I loved it. He was jumping around and just wouldn't stop moving. I swear it's like her was high or something but it was AWESOME.
The Pitch Perfect cast preformed and it was awesome too.
Selena Gomez preformed and she sounded a little strained and hoarse. She did an okay job, but I think she took the Indian beat of her song to far.
Especially since she isn't Indian.
Taylor Lautner won't for Best Shirtless, but that was obvious with all the lovely Twilight fans out there.
TEAM JACOB!!!!!!
Best Movie was The Avengers. I saw The Avengers with Kat and loved it. Awesome movie.
Emma Watson won the Trailblazer Award. I love Emma!!!!!!!!! They showed her as Hermione and I was just amazed at how much she grew up. Awww
Oh so Bradley Cooper won the first award and gave this speech. So it kinda made everyone uncomfortable though when he started talking about veterans. I mean Veterans rock! Most of my family has been in the Armed Forces, but Bradley just took the mood down.
So everything else was good. I liked it and laughed at some jokes and stuff.
So yeah.
Now I'm tired.
My father forgot to drop this book off so now I have to freaking pay late fees. And I need index cards... I gotta give a speech.
And oh,
Dear People who rant on Facebook,
Yeah don't. My friend did yesterday and its just like... Why don't you tell the person you got a problem with that. When you don't put people's names in it that doesn't mean they know who you are talking about. And if you aren't friends with them then you look stupid. Because if you are gonna talk about someone... Say it to there face. Don't sit and talk behind there back.
Anyways can we kill the drama????
No....
Well then.
MusicalLover9816
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Whiny Bitxh
Okay so I am reading Unravel Me by Tahereh Mafi. It's the sequel to Shatter Me.
Anyways the girl in here, Juliette she can't really touch people because she could kill them. But then she meets this due who can touch her. Turns out he can't, well he shouldn't be touching her. He has this power that helps protect him but its really tiring for him to do it.
Anyways she is in the facility that is trying to start a revolution. Because the world was taken over by this group of people.
I'm not gonna explain the whole thing to you. If you wanna read it them go find it. Me and Kat have read it so yeah.
Anyways she is being a whiny bitch about it. She can't barely see dude. People state at her. Blah blah blah.
So this dude, Kenji, who is supposed to be helping her goes off on her. More than once. And is talking about how she needs to stop crying in a corner and sitting in the dark and all types of things.
And I agree with him. Juliette has made some interesting points throughout the book but she is being an idiot and stupid and it's annoying me.
So I understand why Kenji is gong off but I also understand and sympathize with Juliette.
She's been through all sorts of things and she is coping but she is doing it the wrong way. Well no, you cope in your own way and at your own time. But just how she is acting and treating it is annoying and just ugh.
And then I thought... Wait... What about me?
Seriously now. I have bitched about KS so much on here and this weekend she changed her KIK picture to one of us and tried texting me and actually starting the convo and its pissed me off.
So I'm reading this long monologue where Kenji is going off on her and I'm just like... I'm doing some of the same things Juliette is doing.
Yeah life gets hard but that doesn't mean you give up and shut people out.
And I have been shutting down.
I mean I have more strength and dignity than that.
I'm not gonna give up because it got kinda hard or people start changing.
Yeah I have a tiny right to be pissed at KS and her family but I have got to forgive and move on.
She wants to be friends and stuff and get back on track and I need to decide if that's what I want.
Yep...
Well that's deep enough for today...
Expect a post on the MTV Movie awards...
MusicalLover9816
Anyways the girl in here, Juliette she can't really touch people because she could kill them. But then she meets this due who can touch her. Turns out he can't, well he shouldn't be touching her. He has this power that helps protect him but its really tiring for him to do it.
Anyways she is in the facility that is trying to start a revolution. Because the world was taken over by this group of people.
I'm not gonna explain the whole thing to you. If you wanna read it them go find it. Me and Kat have read it so yeah.
Anyways she is being a whiny bitch about it. She can't barely see dude. People state at her. Blah blah blah.
So this dude, Kenji, who is supposed to be helping her goes off on her. More than once. And is talking about how she needs to stop crying in a corner and sitting in the dark and all types of things.
And I agree with him. Juliette has made some interesting points throughout the book but she is being an idiot and stupid and it's annoying me.
So I understand why Kenji is gong off but I also understand and sympathize with Juliette.
She's been through all sorts of things and she is coping but she is doing it the wrong way. Well no, you cope in your own way and at your own time. But just how she is acting and treating it is annoying and just ugh.
And then I thought... Wait... What about me?
Seriously now. I have bitched about KS so much on here and this weekend she changed her KIK picture to one of us and tried texting me and actually starting the convo and its pissed me off.
So I'm reading this long monologue where Kenji is going off on her and I'm just like... I'm doing some of the same things Juliette is doing.
Yeah life gets hard but that doesn't mean you give up and shut people out.
And I have been shutting down.
I mean I have more strength and dignity than that.
I'm not gonna give up because it got kinda hard or people start changing.
Yeah I have a tiny right to be pissed at KS and her family but I have got to forgive and move on.
She wants to be friends and stuff and get back on track and I need to decide if that's what I want.
Yep...
Well that's deep enough for today...
Expect a post on the MTV Movie awards...
MusicalLover9816
Laughter
I love Adele and I love Spongebob. This is the stupidest thing ever and I laughed my a** off.
I hate when people make fun of Adele and talk shxt about her or whatever but this was funny to me.
Like wow.
I will share my laughter with you.
MusicalLover9816
I hate when people make fun of Adele and talk shxt about her or whatever but this was funny to me.
Like wow.
I will share my laughter with you.
MusicalLover9816
Friday, April 12, 2013
Text
If you don't text me all week don't decide to just text me out of the blue on a Friday.
At 10:30 in the morning at that.
Don't do that. You can't talk to me all week but then decide to text for some stupid a** reason.
And then when I text you back you don't respond. What type of shxt?
I feel like I'm being walked all over and she knows for a fact that I barely wake up before 11 if someone doesn't wake me up. And she knows I go to school. Don't text someone on a school day before the time school ends or before they leave. I understand you get bored but for real.
And I was hoping she wouldn't text me. I'm not trying to be mean or nothing but i won't be doing much this weekend.
Might go to the library but whatever.
Kat won't let me see her preform so she is and ugh...
I don't feel like dealing with her and I'm exhausted. I'm not talking about Kat, I am talking about KS.
If I text her she won't respond all week but she will on Friday like ain't nothing happened.
She barely text me. Maybe once each weekend to ask if I want to do anything but I have been extremely busy these past weeks.
It's not my fault I don't have time. I understand she gets mad for a second but don't get an attitude. And then decide to ignore me for a while.
And when you do text me back don't talk about stuff you know I don't want to hear about. Or stop in the middle of the convo. Okay now, whatever.
God I'm pissed.
My week has been hell.
MusicalLover9816
At 10:30 in the morning at that.
Don't do that. You can't talk to me all week but then decide to text for some stupid a** reason.
And then when I text you back you don't respond. What type of shxt?
I feel like I'm being walked all over and she knows for a fact that I barely wake up before 11 if someone doesn't wake me up. And she knows I go to school. Don't text someone on a school day before the time school ends or before they leave. I understand you get bored but for real.
And I was hoping she wouldn't text me. I'm not trying to be mean or nothing but i won't be doing much this weekend.
Might go to the library but whatever.
Kat won't let me see her preform so she is and ugh...
I don't feel like dealing with her and I'm exhausted. I'm not talking about Kat, I am talking about KS.
If I text her she won't respond all week but she will on Friday like ain't nothing happened.
She barely text me. Maybe once each weekend to ask if I want to do anything but I have been extremely busy these past weeks.
It's not my fault I don't have time. I understand she gets mad for a second but don't get an attitude. And then decide to ignore me for a while.
And when you do text me back don't talk about stuff you know I don't want to hear about. Or stop in the middle of the convo. Okay now, whatever.
God I'm pissed.
My week has been hell.
MusicalLover9816
Tired
What!
I'm back.
Nah not really.
I'm still depressingly sad at times, but I don't wanna kill myself.
Like I told dude the other day.
Where's the fun in that????
Nobody is gonna give a shit and I will just be another one of those teens who can't deal.
I'm finna show these motherf**kers. I will be someone.
Anyways... I'm still tired of all the shxt going on through my life but I'm okay.
I ready for summer so I can leave this dumb ass state and go up north with my mom.
I miss her.
Kat pointed out something to me about how it was ironic that I had on a heart necklace even though I don't believe in love.
No offense Kat but I wanted to punch the shxt out of you right then.
You didn't know though so it's okay.
The necklace I had on was from my Grandfather who is now resting peacefully in the ground. He only died about a year ago so it's still sad. It will always be sad but yeah.
I have a lot of homework to do in a short amount of time. And I'm trying to take care of my siblings while my stepmother is resting. So it's hard when there are four of them, and no one is really helping me.
I haven't talked to KS in a long time. It doesn't really hit me that hard since I don't know. I guess... I don't know.
I got my report card today and it looks good but my friend freaked out because she got her first C.
Yeah... She kinda pissed me off too, but it's her first so whatever. It is kinda her fault. Teacher don't like late work even if they say they will give you full credit. It's more work for them to grade and yeah. Just saying.
And so father is pissing me off. I got a new bed about a month ago and now my brother is getting a new bed. When I got a kindle my brother got one. I got an iPod and my brother got a phone. I can't have anything without my brother getting something like it or better. I want my own stuff. My brother doesn't even care about some of this stuff. Seriously is nothing sacred anymore.
So... I think I'm going to see a counselor this summer. Which is a therapist but not calling it that will make me feel better about going. So shut up. Eh... I'm trying to deal with to much stuff and its just not helping me mentally and emotionally.
And so the end of the year is coming which means I will no longer be a freshman. I'm getting old and I'm kinda ready to be a sophomore.
Okay so I'm addicted to Something I Need by OneRepublic. The first part is super amazing and totally describes how I feel. It is my song right now.
I had a dream the other night
About how we only get one life
Woke me up right after two
Stayed awake and stared at you
So I wouldn't lose my mind
And I had the week that came from hell
And yes I know that you can tell
But you're like the net under the ledge
But I go flying off the edge
You go flying off as well
And if you only die once I wanna die with
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
Last night I think I drank too much
Call it our temporary crutch
With broken words I tried to say
Honey don't you be afraid
If we got nothing we got us (Yeah)
And if you only die once I wanna die with
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
I know that we're not the same
But I'm so damn glad that we made it
To this time, this time, now
You got something I need
Yeah in this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (Yeah)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
If we only die once I wanna die with
If we only live once I wanna live with you
"Something I Need"
- OneRepublic
I'm back.
Nah not really.
I'm still depressingly sad at times, but I don't wanna kill myself.
Like I told dude the other day.
Where's the fun in that????
Nobody is gonna give a shit and I will just be another one of those teens who can't deal.
I'm finna show these motherf**kers. I will be someone.
Anyways... I'm still tired of all the shxt going on through my life but I'm okay.
I ready for summer so I can leave this dumb ass state and go up north with my mom.
I miss her.
Kat pointed out something to me about how it was ironic that I had on a heart necklace even though I don't believe in love.
No offense Kat but I wanted to punch the shxt out of you right then.
You didn't know though so it's okay.
The necklace I had on was from my Grandfather who is now resting peacefully in the ground. He only died about a year ago so it's still sad. It will always be sad but yeah.
I have a lot of homework to do in a short amount of time. And I'm trying to take care of my siblings while my stepmother is resting. So it's hard when there are four of them, and no one is really helping me.
I haven't talked to KS in a long time. It doesn't really hit me that hard since I don't know. I guess... I don't know.
I got my report card today and it looks good but my friend freaked out because she got her first C.
Yeah... She kinda pissed me off too, but it's her first so whatever. It is kinda her fault. Teacher don't like late work even if they say they will give you full credit. It's more work for them to grade and yeah. Just saying.
And so father is pissing me off. I got a new bed about a month ago and now my brother is getting a new bed. When I got a kindle my brother got one. I got an iPod and my brother got a phone. I can't have anything without my brother getting something like it or better. I want my own stuff. My brother doesn't even care about some of this stuff. Seriously is nothing sacred anymore.
So... I think I'm going to see a counselor this summer. Which is a therapist but not calling it that will make me feel better about going. So shut up. Eh... I'm trying to deal with to much stuff and its just not helping me mentally and emotionally.
And so the end of the year is coming which means I will no longer be a freshman. I'm getting old and I'm kinda ready to be a sophomore.
Okay so I'm addicted to Something I Need by OneRepublic. The first part is super amazing and totally describes how I feel. It is my song right now.
I had a dream the other night
About how we only get one life
Woke me up right after two
Stayed awake and stared at you
So I wouldn't lose my mind
And I had the week that came from hell
And yes I know that you can tell
But you're like the net under the ledge
But I go flying off the edge
You go flying off as well
And if you only die once I wanna die with
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
Last night I think I drank too much
Call it our temporary crutch
With broken words I tried to say
Honey don't you be afraid
If we got nothing we got us (Yeah)
And if you only die once I wanna die with
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
I know that we're not the same
But I'm so damn glad that we made it
To this time, this time, now
You got something I need
Yeah in this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (Yeah)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
If we only die once I wanna die with
If we only live once I wanna live with you
"Something I Need"
- OneRepublic
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Dear God
Dear God,
I feel like killing myself.
Hi up there. Yeah I'm currently sitting on my living room floor trying to do math and thinking about what it would feel like to die.
I'm confused and tired and the pollen is messing up my allergies.
Please don't me serious because I very am. I seriously feel like dying right now. And I am not joking.
Just think about...
All the blood leaving my body because I cut myself and my once full of life eyes going helpless. I probably wouldn't be found until the morning time. Maybe not until later that afternoon if I am lucky.
Or me gasping for that last breathe as the string cuts off the air supply to my lungs. Some dark song playing in the background begging and dragging my unwilling spirit to the underworld.
So many different was to do it.
But no... You have given me enough strength to come and type out my problems. So here I am.
Trying to do my algebra homework is like the breaking point of this day. I can't take anymore. I'm extremely tired and I just wanted to come home and finish it quickly so I could watch my show.
Oh course you had other plans for me.
Cause yesterday my stepmother messed up her ankle and I knew... I knew my father would do this to me.
I know my father works at night so he needs his sleep during the day. You would think he would step up a little bit.
But no you allowed my father to get suck. Not like deadly sick but sick. And since me and him don't really get sick often he feels like crap.
And you gave me my brother who just likes to watch random YouTube videos all day and not help me.
So here I am watching my siblings and the other children my stepmother keeps by myself. And I'm currently trying to pass ninth grade.
And then you gave us this lovely spring whether. You know with all the freaking pollen so now I'm having allergy problems but I am the only one who can really watch them right now.
My stepmother can't walk. My father can't yell, is tired, works at night, and is lazy either way. My brother doesn't pay attention and doesn't care.
So here I am stepping up.
Came home today in a pissed off mood. Don't ask me why because I don't know. Do you?
Are you trying to put bipolar in me now because I was happy minutes before that but then I went to get my stuff and everything just went away.
So I don't talk. Walk to my bus. Walk to my house.
Eat some cereal because we have no other food.
Go in my room determined to crack this homework and watch my show and go to sleep.
Nah you decide to get my father to take the 5 kids outside. I know you saw that. You say me struggle as I out their shoes on while my brother laughed to some stupid video. I know you say when the damn wasp started coming closer and closer. I know you say when the kids ran everywhere.
I know you did. You see all.
And I'm trying not to touch my damn face because I have already inhaled enough pollen that day.
So then they pick flowers and we go back upstairs. It took my 25 minutes to calm them down and for my father to get out of bed to tell them shut up,
They don't listen to me. You know that.
So I go in my room determined to finally do my homework.
But nope, you have me go back outside to take pictures of the kids with their flowers where I wasp takes nest in my hair. Thanks for that!
So I finally screamed it away. Screamed.... Loudly.
So now I go and I really need to get my stuff done.
Nah you want me to make the kids hotdogs since that is mostly the only thing to cook. You know that thing that my stepmother makes to much of that I hate it but will eat when I'm really hungry and I know there won't be anymore food. Yeah those things.
Next up homework.
Yeah I sit down while the hotdogs were cooking. And open my Algebra 2 book because I know we have a quiz tomorrow.
Thanks for making this shxt so fucking confusing it just makes me happiness plummet.
I can't even get passed the first question. I'm sitting here my mind is racing trying to figure out to do. I'm looking through my notes and my book.
And I just don't get it.
My parents don't get it.
My brother doesn't even know what it is.
And I'm just here.
Thanks.
I am not blaming you for this but can you please help me.
Yeah I know there are way more important things than a suicidal 14 year old girl who can't get passed her homework to watch tv but you know can I have a little piece of you right now.
Just a piece.
I'm so tired and confused and I just feel like someone shxtted in my Rice Krispies.
You may think I'm overreacting but compared to the fucking life I have had I'm not.
Especially when I combine all the bad things I have gone through and all the complications and just everything. What about that???
Can we talk about that????
I got no help them can I get some now. I just need to know you are up there and you hear me. You know I'm here.
I'm tired of doing this without you.
I'm so tired...
MusicalLover9816
I feel like killing myself.
Hi up there. Yeah I'm currently sitting on my living room floor trying to do math and thinking about what it would feel like to die.
I'm confused and tired and the pollen is messing up my allergies.
Please don't me serious because I very am. I seriously feel like dying right now. And I am not joking.
Just think about...
All the blood leaving my body because I cut myself and my once full of life eyes going helpless. I probably wouldn't be found until the morning time. Maybe not until later that afternoon if I am lucky.
Or me gasping for that last breathe as the string cuts off the air supply to my lungs. Some dark song playing in the background begging and dragging my unwilling spirit to the underworld.
So many different was to do it.
But no... You have given me enough strength to come and type out my problems. So here I am.
Trying to do my algebra homework is like the breaking point of this day. I can't take anymore. I'm extremely tired and I just wanted to come home and finish it quickly so I could watch my show.
Oh course you had other plans for me.
Cause yesterday my stepmother messed up her ankle and I knew... I knew my father would do this to me.
I know my father works at night so he needs his sleep during the day. You would think he would step up a little bit.
But no you allowed my father to get suck. Not like deadly sick but sick. And since me and him don't really get sick often he feels like crap.
And you gave me my brother who just likes to watch random YouTube videos all day and not help me.
So here I am watching my siblings and the other children my stepmother keeps by myself. And I'm currently trying to pass ninth grade.
And then you gave us this lovely spring whether. You know with all the freaking pollen so now I'm having allergy problems but I am the only one who can really watch them right now.
My stepmother can't walk. My father can't yell, is tired, works at night, and is lazy either way. My brother doesn't pay attention and doesn't care.
So here I am stepping up.
Came home today in a pissed off mood. Don't ask me why because I don't know. Do you?
Are you trying to put bipolar in me now because I was happy minutes before that but then I went to get my stuff and everything just went away.
So I don't talk. Walk to my bus. Walk to my house.
Eat some cereal because we have no other food.
Go in my room determined to crack this homework and watch my show and go to sleep.
Nah you decide to get my father to take the 5 kids outside. I know you saw that. You say me struggle as I out their shoes on while my brother laughed to some stupid video. I know you say when the damn wasp started coming closer and closer. I know you say when the kids ran everywhere.
I know you did. You see all.
And I'm trying not to touch my damn face because I have already inhaled enough pollen that day.
So then they pick flowers and we go back upstairs. It took my 25 minutes to calm them down and for my father to get out of bed to tell them shut up,
They don't listen to me. You know that.
So I go in my room determined to finally do my homework.
But nope, you have me go back outside to take pictures of the kids with their flowers where I wasp takes nest in my hair. Thanks for that!
So I finally screamed it away. Screamed.... Loudly.
So now I go and I really need to get my stuff done.
Nah you want me to make the kids hotdogs since that is mostly the only thing to cook. You know that thing that my stepmother makes to much of that I hate it but will eat when I'm really hungry and I know there won't be anymore food. Yeah those things.
Next up homework.
Yeah I sit down while the hotdogs were cooking. And open my Algebra 2 book because I know we have a quiz tomorrow.
Thanks for making this shxt so fucking confusing it just makes me happiness plummet.
I can't even get passed the first question. I'm sitting here my mind is racing trying to figure out to do. I'm looking through my notes and my book.
And I just don't get it.
My parents don't get it.
My brother doesn't even know what it is.
And I'm just here.
Thanks.
I am not blaming you for this but can you please help me.
Yeah I know there are way more important things than a suicidal 14 year old girl who can't get passed her homework to watch tv but you know can I have a little piece of you right now.
Just a piece.
I'm so tired and confused and I just feel like someone shxtted in my Rice Krispies.
You may think I'm overreacting but compared to the fucking life I have had I'm not.
Especially when I combine all the bad things I have gone through and all the complications and just everything. What about that???
Can we talk about that????
I got no help them can I get some now. I just need to know you are up there and you hear me. You know I'm here.
I'm tired of doing this without you.
I'm so tired...
MusicalLover9816
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Yourself
Okay so Kat posted on religion and God. I am briefly going to hit on that right now. It's a touchy subject for just about anyone because you're trying to be yourself but you want to follow God. And then there are the people in the church.
I worship God but I cannot stand the people in my church or how they act sometimes. So I just won't go but that doesn't mean he isn't in my heart. Because he is. He is a huge part in there and I am honestly happy he is.
Anyways I'm not going to go all into that because it would take me forever to explain some of the things I think about or believe.
Next I am going to tell why I like to write. I was going to do this the other day but I got distracted. Writing for me is more than about getting rich and famous off my books. In honesty I would super happy even if they weren't published. I don't want them to be. They are for me and whoever I choose to share them with. If I decide to publish them then fine but I'm not sending a copy of my stories out to every publisher or something.
Writing is like therapy for me. And not typing. I usually write my post them type them. I like the feeling of soreness you get when you start writing. How you don't even notice it until you are done. You get so caught up in writing that you don't even notice what you were writing and you have this awesome thing in front of you. And you're just like wow.
People always force themselves to write and I just won't let myself do that. It would come out all wrong. I like spontaneous and all the ideas that jump out of nowhere.
I like channeling my emotions into what I write to help me express them. I like writing when I'm sad or angry to help me realize why I am sad or angry. I like to solve my own problems after I see them on paper.
A lot of time when people come to me with a problem they can't explain I tell them to write it down.
If you can't think of words make some up.
I love writing for hour where you just get lost and don't pay attention to anything. I love being in that zone where nothing else's trees but your mind working and the paper in front of you.
I have always written. I pulled away from it during the last years of elementary and the first of middle school, but everything that happened to me in middle school made me start over.
I know some of my stories are complete crap but they are mine and I am proud of them.
Okay so that's mostly that.
Anyways lets talk about KS again, the girl I called me sister.
Never wished I made up with her.
I knew it would be awkward but I'm tired of being the only one putting in effort to try and fix things. Like seriously you can text me sometimes or try to respond earlier than three in the morning. Or just wait.
When we first got into our fight I was like this is God's way of letting me know what he doesn't want me around her anymore. I mean why else why God do that to me. She was my longest friend. You notice I don't say closest but that's because she wasn't. She hasn't been in a while. So yeah I blamed God for a while and then I went on the church retreat with Kat and it was like I just realized that this HUGE burden was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to deal with her anymore. I was free.
I should have known she wasn't going to let me go.
She called me, didn't apologize but told me she wanted us to be friends again. Well more like said we are friends again. Her mom bitched at me again because apparently she sees me as saving her child's life as a wrongdoing. I just said okay.
In that moment I realized something. I don't think KS wanted to be my friend... I just think she didn't want to change completely.
Yes she was changing and everyone knew it. She had these new friends that weren't anything like her old ones. I was the only one who she kept and I didn't fit in. I would much rather go to the library and sit for hours than prance around the mall buying clothes that are too tight and I can barely put on.
That wasn't me and I didn't want to be that.
But she was my friend and I could see the old her in there so I agreed and I tried. I tried so hard for her open up to me and talk to me.
She ignored. I would text and she wouldn't text back until 3 in the morning when I would be sleep. And she never talked about what happened. She passed right over it like it didn't happen. But it did and that's one of those things that you can't really pass over. I don't blame her for trying to forget it but she needs help and won't accept it.
My mother has offered to find me a counselor to help me deal with it and I think I will during the summer. I just don't want someone trying to relate to me when they can't and trying to read my mind.
I told myself I would give up on KS. She wasn't good for me and I wasn't good for her.
Kat told me to close the door but keep the window open.
But I know the door will always be unlocked for her. All she has to do is open it. I just want my friend back.
Not the girl she has become or who her family wants to be. She used to not think about that and now she does and I can't help her fight it because I don't know what she is up against.
I am sorry for her. And pray that God helps her find who she is and for her to be herself not what people want her to be.
You may be thinking wow she is insightful but nope. I'm just opening up. I don't do that a lot. I'm so used to keeping my emotions bottled up inside me or locked away in notebooks hidden in drawers that putting this out there on the Internet where anyone can see is weird to me.
I just want to be myself. I don't like being someone else. They don't have that little something that makes me, me. I'm not going to change because of what someone says or done.
I have been through a lot in my short time here on earth and I can tell I will go through so much more but I'm ready.
The world is such a cruel and hard place to fit into but you just have to find your place. There is a place for you.
In kindergarten you learned to be yourself and others will like the real you. Sometimes that isn't true. You just have to find those people who let you be you.
Yes I am still figuring out exactly who I am but I am grateful for the friends who are here with me along the way and as we struggle together.
Everyone needs a friend.
At least one true real friend.
Songs That Inspired Me:
I
I'm sinking in
You know that something's got to
Something's gotta give
And then you told yourself
You found a modern mona lisa
You gave her all your love
You said 'I pray this fool could keep her'
You got no money
It doesn't mean a thing
You got time
And time is everything
Knock all night
Stay awake
Listening to
Records that you like
Now you're saying
I
I'm sinking in
You know that something's got to
Something's gotta give
"Something's Gotta Give"
- OneRepublic
I was looking for an angel to chase the devil at the light
Oh! oh! oh!
When I was a kid
My grandfather was a preacher
He'd talk about love
Yeah he was something like a teacher
He said 'God only helps those
Who learn to help themselves'
He was a million miles from a million dollars
But you could never spend his wealth
"Preacher"
- OneRepublic
I guess this is what it's supposed to feel like
No we don't talk, no we don't talk, we don't talk anymore.
I guess this is what it's supposed to sound like
The universe, the universe, universe is torn.
I don't want to live without you
I can live without you half the day,
I don't want to live without you
And put life off for another day
But I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop.. no
Thinking about.. thinking about this
Anymore
And all I've got..
Is nothing I want
Anymore
No I never get used to silence
But I don't hear, no I don't hear
I don't hear you anymore.
I know I had to look hard to find it
Everything, everything,
Everything is gone.
I don't want to live without you
And put life off for another day
But I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop.. no
Thinking about.. thinking about this
Anymore
And all I've got..
Is nothing I want
Anymore
I can see stars, I can see our lives in a self destructing lane,
I can see stars, I can see lights... shining here.
But I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop.. no
Thinking about.. thinking about this
Anymore
And all I've got..
Is nothing I want
Anymore
"Can't Stop"
- OneRepublic
Today I'm not myself
And you, you're someone else
And all these wounds don't fake
And all the stars can quit
What a peculiar state we re in
What a peculiar state we re in
Let's play a game
Where all of the lives we meet can change
Let's play a game
Where nothing that we can see, the same
"Au Revior"
- OneRepublic
Trying not to lose my head but I have never been this scared before
Tell you what I'll do instead, lay my body down on the floor
To forget what I've done, silhouette til the good lord come
"Where The Story Ends"
- The Fray
Just an outline made of skin
And my walls are paper thin
I want to let you color me in
Feel like I’m drowning from the sound
Of all the silence all around
My thoughts are gone
I’m going down
I’m turning inside out
This time I finally need a light, a light
Tired of seeing in black and white, white
Having flashes in my mind
Can’t take the ticking of time
The time that’s passing by...
"Hourglass"
- Zedd ft. LIZ
Bless my heart, bless my soul.
Didn't think I'd make it to 22 years old.
There must be someone up above sayin',
"Come on, Brittany, you got to come on up.
You got to hold on...
Hey, you got to hold on..."
So, bless my heart and bless yours too.
I don't know where I'm gonna go
Don't know what I'm gonna do.
There must be somebody up above sayin',
"Come on, Brittany, you got to come on now!
You got to hold on...
Hey, you got to hold on..."
"Yeah! You got to wait!
Yeah! You got to wait!"
But I don't wanna wait!
No, I don't wanna wait...
So, bless my heart and bless my mind.
I got so much to do, I ain't got much time
So, must be someone up above saying,
"Come on, girl! Yeah, you got to get back up!
You got to hold on...
Yeah, you got to hold on..."
"Yeah! You got to wait!"
I don't wanna wait!
But I don't wanna wait!
No, I don't wanna wait!
You got to hold on...
You got to hold on...
You got to hold on...
You got to hold on...
"Hold On"
- Alabama Shakes
(PS my name isn't Britney. The singer who sings this, her name is Britney. I love the song though and it is really good and inspiring. Top 10!)
When you're forgiving but you can't forget
Feels like you're drowning but you still got breath
And we've been tryna lay this ghost to rest
Oh but there ain't no getting out of this mess
No there ain't no getting out
There ain't no getting out
There ain't no getting out of this mess
"Bullet From A Gun"
- The Script
Hope the wound heals but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
You're at war with love, yeah
These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...
"Battle Scars"
- Lupe Fiasco ft. Guy Sebastian
When you shoot across the sky like a broken arrow
It's so hard to keep yourself on the straight and narrow
When you shoot across the sky like a broken arrow
You fall off course,
Yeah when you hit the ground
It's hard to get to heaven when you're born hell bound
"Broken Arrow"
- The Script
Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama
Wearing your heart like a stolen dream
Opening skies with your broken keys
No one can blind us any longer
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
"Spectrum"
- Zedd ft. Matthew Koma
I know it's a lot of songs but that is why I am called MusicalLover. So right now all those songs are on repeat being played so I can fall asleep.
Oh and Kat make sure you read over your post so we don't have mistakes or you know reveal our identity. Thanks for putting my name in your post. My real name. Don't worry I already fixed it.
Be yourself!
MusicalLover9816
I worship God but I cannot stand the people in my church or how they act sometimes. So I just won't go but that doesn't mean he isn't in my heart. Because he is. He is a huge part in there and I am honestly happy he is.
Anyways I'm not going to go all into that because it would take me forever to explain some of the things I think about or believe.
Next I am going to tell why I like to write. I was going to do this the other day but I got distracted. Writing for me is more than about getting rich and famous off my books. In honesty I would super happy even if they weren't published. I don't want them to be. They are for me and whoever I choose to share them with. If I decide to publish them then fine but I'm not sending a copy of my stories out to every publisher or something.
Writing is like therapy for me. And not typing. I usually write my post them type them. I like the feeling of soreness you get when you start writing. How you don't even notice it until you are done. You get so caught up in writing that you don't even notice what you were writing and you have this awesome thing in front of you. And you're just like wow.
People always force themselves to write and I just won't let myself do that. It would come out all wrong. I like spontaneous and all the ideas that jump out of nowhere.
I like channeling my emotions into what I write to help me express them. I like writing when I'm sad or angry to help me realize why I am sad or angry. I like to solve my own problems after I see them on paper.
A lot of time when people come to me with a problem they can't explain I tell them to write it down.
If you can't think of words make some up.
I love writing for hour where you just get lost and don't pay attention to anything. I love being in that zone where nothing else's trees but your mind working and the paper in front of you.
I have always written. I pulled away from it during the last years of elementary and the first of middle school, but everything that happened to me in middle school made me start over.
I know some of my stories are complete crap but they are mine and I am proud of them.
Okay so that's mostly that.
Anyways lets talk about KS again, the girl I called me sister.
Never wished I made up with her.
I knew it would be awkward but I'm tired of being the only one putting in effort to try and fix things. Like seriously you can text me sometimes or try to respond earlier than three in the morning. Or just wait.
When we first got into our fight I was like this is God's way of letting me know what he doesn't want me around her anymore. I mean why else why God do that to me. She was my longest friend. You notice I don't say closest but that's because she wasn't. She hasn't been in a while. So yeah I blamed God for a while and then I went on the church retreat with Kat and it was like I just realized that this HUGE burden was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to deal with her anymore. I was free.
I should have known she wasn't going to let me go.
She called me, didn't apologize but told me she wanted us to be friends again. Well more like said we are friends again. Her mom bitched at me again because apparently she sees me as saving her child's life as a wrongdoing. I just said okay.
In that moment I realized something. I don't think KS wanted to be my friend... I just think she didn't want to change completely.
Yes she was changing and everyone knew it. She had these new friends that weren't anything like her old ones. I was the only one who she kept and I didn't fit in. I would much rather go to the library and sit for hours than prance around the mall buying clothes that are too tight and I can barely put on.
That wasn't me and I didn't want to be that.
But she was my friend and I could see the old her in there so I agreed and I tried. I tried so hard for her open up to me and talk to me.
She ignored. I would text and she wouldn't text back until 3 in the morning when I would be sleep. And she never talked about what happened. She passed right over it like it didn't happen. But it did and that's one of those things that you can't really pass over. I don't blame her for trying to forget it but she needs help and won't accept it.
My mother has offered to find me a counselor to help me deal with it and I think I will during the summer. I just don't want someone trying to relate to me when they can't and trying to read my mind.
I told myself I would give up on KS. She wasn't good for me and I wasn't good for her.
Kat told me to close the door but keep the window open.
But I know the door will always be unlocked for her. All she has to do is open it. I just want my friend back.
Not the girl she has become or who her family wants to be. She used to not think about that and now she does and I can't help her fight it because I don't know what she is up against.
I am sorry for her. And pray that God helps her find who she is and for her to be herself not what people want her to be.
You may be thinking wow she is insightful but nope. I'm just opening up. I don't do that a lot. I'm so used to keeping my emotions bottled up inside me or locked away in notebooks hidden in drawers that putting this out there on the Internet where anyone can see is weird to me.
I just want to be myself. I don't like being someone else. They don't have that little something that makes me, me. I'm not going to change because of what someone says or done.
I have been through a lot in my short time here on earth and I can tell I will go through so much more but I'm ready.
The world is such a cruel and hard place to fit into but you just have to find your place. There is a place for you.
In kindergarten you learned to be yourself and others will like the real you. Sometimes that isn't true. You just have to find those people who let you be you.
Yes I am still figuring out exactly who I am but I am grateful for the friends who are here with me along the way and as we struggle together.
Everyone needs a friend.
At least one true real friend.
Songs That Inspired Me:
I
I'm sinking in
You know that something's got to
Something's gotta give
And then you told yourself
You found a modern mona lisa
You gave her all your love
You said 'I pray this fool could keep her'
You got no money
It doesn't mean a thing
You got time
And time is everything
Knock all night
Stay awake
Listening to
Records that you like
Now you're saying
I
I'm sinking in
You know that something's got to
Something's gotta give
"Something's Gotta Give"
- OneRepublic
I was looking for an angel to chase the devil at the light
Oh! oh! oh!
When I was a kid
My grandfather was a preacher
He'd talk about love
Yeah he was something like a teacher
He said 'God only helps those
Who learn to help themselves'
He was a million miles from a million dollars
But you could never spend his wealth
"Preacher"
- OneRepublic
I guess this is what it's supposed to feel like
No we don't talk, no we don't talk, we don't talk anymore.
I guess this is what it's supposed to sound like
The universe, the universe, universe is torn.
I don't want to live without you
I can live without you half the day,
I don't want to live without you
And put life off for another day
But I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop.. no
Thinking about.. thinking about this
Anymore
And all I've got..
Is nothing I want
Anymore
No I never get used to silence
But I don't hear, no I don't hear
I don't hear you anymore.
I know I had to look hard to find it
Everything, everything,
Everything is gone.
I don't want to live without you
And put life off for another day
But I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop.. no
Thinking about.. thinking about this
Anymore
And all I've got..
Is nothing I want
Anymore
I can see stars, I can see our lives in a self destructing lane,
I can see stars, I can see lights... shining here.
But I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop.. no
Thinking about.. thinking about this
Anymore
And all I've got..
Is nothing I want
Anymore
"Can't Stop"
- OneRepublic
Today I'm not myself
And you, you're someone else
And all these wounds don't fake
And all the stars can quit
What a peculiar state we re in
What a peculiar state we re in
Let's play a game
Where all of the lives we meet can change
Let's play a game
Where nothing that we can see, the same
"Au Revior"
- OneRepublic
Trying not to lose my head but I have never been this scared before
Tell you what I'll do instead, lay my body down on the floor
To forget what I've done, silhouette til the good lord come
"Where The Story Ends"
- The Fray
Just an outline made of skin
And my walls are paper thin
I want to let you color me in
Feel like I’m drowning from the sound
Of all the silence all around
My thoughts are gone
I’m going down
I’m turning inside out
This time I finally need a light, a light
Tired of seeing in black and white, white
Having flashes in my mind
Can’t take the ticking of time
The time that’s passing by...
"Hourglass"
- Zedd ft. LIZ
Bless my heart, bless my soul.
Didn't think I'd make it to 22 years old.
There must be someone up above sayin',
"Come on, Brittany, you got to come on up.
You got to hold on...
Hey, you got to hold on..."
So, bless my heart and bless yours too.
I don't know where I'm gonna go
Don't know what I'm gonna do.
There must be somebody up above sayin',
"Come on, Brittany, you got to come on now!
You got to hold on...
Hey, you got to hold on..."
"Yeah! You got to wait!
Yeah! You got to wait!"
But I don't wanna wait!
No, I don't wanna wait...
So, bless my heart and bless my mind.
I got so much to do, I ain't got much time
So, must be someone up above saying,
"Come on, girl! Yeah, you got to get back up!
You got to hold on...
Yeah, you got to hold on..."
"Yeah! You got to wait!"
I don't wanna wait!
But I don't wanna wait!
No, I don't wanna wait!
You got to hold on...
You got to hold on...
You got to hold on...
You got to hold on...
"Hold On"
- Alabama Shakes
(PS my name isn't Britney. The singer who sings this, her name is Britney. I love the song though and it is really good and inspiring. Top 10!)
When you're forgiving but you can't forget
Feels like you're drowning but you still got breath
And we've been tryna lay this ghost to rest
Oh but there ain't no getting out of this mess
No there ain't no getting out
There ain't no getting out
There ain't no getting out of this mess
"Bullet From A Gun"
- The Script
Hope the wound heals but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
You're at war with love, yeah
These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...
"Battle Scars"
- Lupe Fiasco ft. Guy Sebastian
When you shoot across the sky like a broken arrow
It's so hard to keep yourself on the straight and narrow
When you shoot across the sky like a broken arrow
You fall off course,
Yeah when you hit the ground
It's hard to get to heaven when you're born hell bound
"Broken Arrow"
- The Script
Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama
Wearing your heart like a stolen dream
Opening skies with your broken keys
No one can blind us any longer
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
"Spectrum"
- Zedd ft. Matthew Koma
I know it's a lot of songs but that is why I am called MusicalLover. So right now all those songs are on repeat being played so I can fall asleep.
Oh and Kat make sure you read over your post so we don't have mistakes or you know reveal our identity. Thanks for putting my name in your post. My real name. Don't worry I already fixed it.
Be yourself!
MusicalLover9816
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
My New Song
So I have a new song that I am completely in love with. I mean I seriously love this song. Spectrum by Zedd ft. Matthew Koma is freaking amazing.
The original version is full of fun dance beats and its just awesome. Zedd is an awesome DJ.
The acoustic version is so soft and sweet and I swear I love that sing. If you listen to the acoustic the lyrics are a little different than the ones I attached onto here.
PLEASE GO CHECK OUT THIS SONG. It is super good and makes me want to sing along every time I hear it and blast it on my iPod.
They don't call me MusicalLover for nothing. Maybe when I am older I'll change me name to Musical or spell it weird and go Mysical.
Lolz okay but go check out this song. It's amazing.
Lyrics:
Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama
Wearing your heart like a stolen dream
Opening skies with your broken keys
No one can blind us any longer
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama
Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama
Wearing your heart like a stolen dream
Opening skies with your broken keys
No one can blind us any longer
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama
MusicalLover9816
The original version is full of fun dance beats and its just awesome. Zedd is an awesome DJ.
The acoustic version is so soft and sweet and I swear I love that sing. If you listen to the acoustic the lyrics are a little different than the ones I attached onto here.
PLEASE GO CHECK OUT THIS SONG. It is super good and makes me want to sing along every time I hear it and blast it on my iPod.
They don't call me MusicalLover for nothing. Maybe when I am older I'll change me name to Musical or spell it weird and go Mysical.
Lolz okay but go check out this song. It's amazing.
Lyrics:
Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama
Wearing your heart like a stolen dream
Opening skies with your broken keys
No one can blind us any longer
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama
Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama
Wearing your heart like a stolen dream
Opening skies with your broken keys
No one can blind us any longer
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go
Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama
MusicalLover9816
Motto
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing about.
- Benjamin Franklin
I love that. It is my new motto for right now. Don't ask me what my last one is because I probably don't know.
Anyways since I love to write I think the first part of that is amazing for any writer and the second part is for anyone.
I love that.
MusicalLover9816
- Benjamin Franklin
I love that. It is my new motto for right now. Don't ask me what my last one is because I probably don't know.
Anyways since I love to write I think the first part of that is amazing for any writer and the second part is for anyone.
I love that.
MusicalLover9816
Monday, April 1, 2013
Personality
I tired if being me.
I'm tired if being called mean.
I'm tired if being called cynical.
I'm tired if being called a pessimist.
I don't give a shxt if I am one don't fucking call me one.
Because in all truth I'm not mean, cynical, or that much if a pessimist.
So maybe the world doesn't shxt rainbows to me... Doesn't mean I hate it.
There are some things the world can fix but I can't do it for them I can only help and sometimes it's not enough.
Leave me and my bad attitude alone and focus on other shxt.
The definition of cynical is: Believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.
Doubtful as to whether something will happen or is worthwhile.
Yeah I am not like that so don't call me cynical.
Maybe I'm not the nicest person but seriously compared to other people I look like an angel.
I just don't like being talked down to and not standing up for myself isn't really an option. Been there done that didn't like it.
Yes I admit I am a man-eater or whatever but I just don't want someone telling me what I can or can't do or someone holding me back from being a free person.
Keep you fucking opinions to yourself sometimes. It's all really fun until someone gets pissed.
MusicalLover9816
I'm tired if being called mean.
I'm tired if being called cynical.
I'm tired if being called a pessimist.
I don't give a shxt if I am one don't fucking call me one.
Because in all truth I'm not mean, cynical, or that much if a pessimist.
So maybe the world doesn't shxt rainbows to me... Doesn't mean I hate it.
There are some things the world can fix but I can't do it for them I can only help and sometimes it's not enough.
Leave me and my bad attitude alone and focus on other shxt.
The definition of cynical is: Believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.
Doubtful as to whether something will happen or is worthwhile.
Yeah I am not like that so don't call me cynical.
Maybe I'm not the nicest person but seriously compared to other people I look like an angel.
I just don't like being talked down to and not standing up for myself isn't really an option. Been there done that didn't like it.
Yes I admit I am a man-eater or whatever but I just don't want someone telling me what I can or can't do or someone holding me back from being a free person.
Keep you fucking opinions to yourself sometimes. It's all really fun until someone gets pissed.
MusicalLover9816
Authors
Dear Authors,
Please stop writing about love triangles. I'm so freaking tired if reading about a girl who likes two completely different dudes or some boy who is in love with two girls. I don't care if you do a square, pentagon... Do a f**king octagon if you want but PLEASE stop doing triangles.
Jesus Christ.
The people the person is in love with are completely different. It shouldn't be hard to choose one.
Don't give me some glammed up diva rich bitch and some next door neighbor girl. Don't do that. They aren't alike. How in the hell is a boy in love with both of them.
AND STOP MAKING THE TWO POINTS OF THE TRIANGLE HATE EACH OTHER!
Jesus vampires and werewolves, angels and demons, monster and monster hunter. Really... Just pick some weird thing and go with it. If your a human your going to in the weird world anyways. And if your supernatural the best choice may be you own kind.
I'm sick and tired of love triangles.
SICK AND TIRED!
MusicalLover9816
Please stop writing about love triangles. I'm so freaking tired if reading about a girl who likes two completely different dudes or some boy who is in love with two girls. I don't care if you do a square, pentagon... Do a f**king octagon if you want but PLEASE stop doing triangles.
Jesus Christ.
The people the person is in love with are completely different. It shouldn't be hard to choose one.
Don't give me some glammed up diva rich bitch and some next door neighbor girl. Don't do that. They aren't alike. How in the hell is a boy in love with both of them.
AND STOP MAKING THE TWO POINTS OF THE TRIANGLE HATE EACH OTHER!
Jesus vampires and werewolves, angels and demons, monster and monster hunter. Really... Just pick some weird thing and go with it. If your a human your going to in the weird world anyways. And if your supernatural the best choice may be you own kind.
I'm sick and tired of love triangles.
SICK AND TIRED!
MusicalLover9816
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Books
So I am going to my book recommendations and stuff.
First off I really want to let you all know how DIFFICULT it was for me to put together list. I mean oh my gosh this was so hard.
I have read so many books over the years. Some of which I don't remember the name and or the author.
And then I go to the library like every weekend. Or something.
The library is awesome and I love getting lost trying to find books.
When I get older I want to be a book editor. Really I want to be an author but a book editor is the next best thing because I always go back over my stories with a red pen in hand.
So yeah. So bare with me when I do this. There could be list of 100 on here but I'm going to try to do my Top 5 and Top 10.
So the list I am going to do are:
- Favorite Books Series (Top 5)
- Favorite Authors (Top 5)
- All Time Favorites (Top 5)
- Right Now Favorites (Top 10)
- Checked Out Now (30)
- Honorable Mentions
So like I just said I have read so many books and a lot of them I can't remember the author or name so just bare with me. I'm only going to put series where I know both. And that Favorite Author one... yeah I don't really have favorite authors. I just pulled five authors who I thought had a good writing style and I try to mimic some of them in my own stories. Same with the All Time Favorites one. I tried to choose books I read way back when that I remembered. So yeah.
Okay so I guess I will start.
- Favorite Book Series
1. Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling
2. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
3. Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
4. Pretty Little Liars - Sara Shepard
5. The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
Okay so yeah that was pretty basic. I like mostly the stuff that others are into right there. I mean my reasons for liking it might be a whole lot different from than others though. It doesn't make me ordinary for enjoying books that others do.
- Favorite Authors
1. J. K. Rowling
2. Stephanie Meyer
3. Tahereh Mafi
4. Andrea Cremer
5. Andrew Clements
Yeah so that was kind of basic too. There may be a couple authors you might not know. I like the way these people write and how they explain things.
To Kat or anyone who dislikes Twilight: Just because that Stephanie Meyer wrote the Twilight Saga doesn't mean she isn't a good writer. Get you head out your anus and admit it. She really did bring a giant change to books. So whatever I'm not going there right now.
- All Time
1. Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire by J. K. Rowling
2. Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi
3. Troublesome Boy by Paul Vasey
4. Loser by Jerry Spinelli
5. The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo
Yeah so this was a little different. I read Troublesome boy about a month ago and I just loved it. It's not the type of books I usually read but I was blown away. And The Tales of Despereaux was one of my favorite childhood books.
- Right Now Favorites
1. Struck By Lightning by Chris Colfer
2. Happy Families by Tanita S. Davis
3. Everneanth by Brodi Ashton
4. The Lying Game by Sara Shepard
5. The Alchemy Of Forever by Avery Williams
6. Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick
7. I Am Number Four by Pittacus Lore
8. Remember Me by Christopher Pike
9. Beastly by Alex Flinn
10. Possession by Elana Johnson
Okay so yeah these are just some of the recent books that I have read and liked or loved. I really like books about the supernatural if you can't tell.
I am just going to post this because I probably won't finish it and this is old so I would have to do some of the categories over. I will come back to it.
First off I really want to let you all know how DIFFICULT it was for me to put together list. I mean oh my gosh this was so hard.
I have read so many books over the years. Some of which I don't remember the name and or the author.
And then I go to the library like every weekend. Or something.
The library is awesome and I love getting lost trying to find books.
When I get older I want to be a book editor. Really I want to be an author but a book editor is the next best thing because I always go back over my stories with a red pen in hand.
So yeah. So bare with me when I do this. There could be list of 100 on here but I'm going to try to do my Top 5 and Top 10.
So the list I am going to do are:
- Favorite Books Series (Top 5)
- Favorite Authors (Top 5)
- All Time Favorites (Top 5)
- Right Now Favorites (Top 10)
- Checked Out Now (30)
- Honorable Mentions
So like I just said I have read so many books and a lot of them I can't remember the author or name so just bare with me. I'm only going to put series where I know both. And that Favorite Author one... yeah I don't really have favorite authors. I just pulled five authors who I thought had a good writing style and I try to mimic some of them in my own stories. Same with the All Time Favorites one. I tried to choose books I read way back when that I remembered. So yeah.
Okay so I guess I will start.
- Favorite Book Series
1. Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling
2. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
3. Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
4. Pretty Little Liars - Sara Shepard
5. The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
Okay so yeah that was pretty basic. I like mostly the stuff that others are into right there. I mean my reasons for liking it might be a whole lot different from than others though. It doesn't make me ordinary for enjoying books that others do.
- Favorite Authors
1. J. K. Rowling
2. Stephanie Meyer
3. Tahereh Mafi
4. Andrea Cremer
5. Andrew Clements
Yeah so that was kind of basic too. There may be a couple authors you might not know. I like the way these people write and how they explain things.
To Kat or anyone who dislikes Twilight: Just because that Stephanie Meyer wrote the Twilight Saga doesn't mean she isn't a good writer. Get you head out your anus and admit it. She really did bring a giant change to books. So whatever I'm not going there right now.
- All Time
1. Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire by J. K. Rowling
2. Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi
3. Troublesome Boy by Paul Vasey
4. Loser by Jerry Spinelli
5. The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo
Yeah so this was a little different. I read Troublesome boy about a month ago and I just loved it. It's not the type of books I usually read but I was blown away. And The Tales of Despereaux was one of my favorite childhood books.
- Right Now Favorites
1. Struck By Lightning by Chris Colfer
2. Happy Families by Tanita S. Davis
3. Everneanth by Brodi Ashton
4. The Lying Game by Sara Shepard
5. The Alchemy Of Forever by Avery Williams
6. Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick
7. I Am Number Four by Pittacus Lore
8. Remember Me by Christopher Pike
9. Beastly by Alex Flinn
10. Possession by Elana Johnson
Okay so yeah these are just some of the recent books that I have read and liked or loved. I really like books about the supernatural if you can't tell.
I am just going to post this because I probably won't finish it and this is old so I would have to do some of the categories over. I will come back to it.
Just Because
so my parents went out to celebrate thier anniversary so I am here babysitting and I am bored so I am just going to post some pictures,,, just because. Anways...
ON TO IT
MusicalLover9816
ON TO IT
MusicalLover9816
Friday, March 29, 2013
F**k The Movies
So me and like Kat said out friend D went to the movies. We went to go see The Host and G. I. Joe Retaliation.
So I bought 2 tickets this morning.... Two tickets. One for The Host and one for G. I. Joe.
I didn't tell my stepmom about it because she would be all why are you going to see two movies. So she came looking for me.
So I got out the other movie and the manager or whatever pulled me to the side and held me in a room.
He asked for my ticket but I threw it away with this really good pretzel.
So anyways he is like you have to buy another ticket and made me buy another one but not D.
And I really wanted to buy the new OneRepublic cd. Like the hard copy and not just download them.
That man made me mad as hell. Fucking white ugly a** b*tch.
MusicalLover9816
So I bought 2 tickets this morning.... Two tickets. One for The Host and one for G. I. Joe.
I didn't tell my stepmom about it because she would be all why are you going to see two movies. So she came looking for me.
So I got out the other movie and the manager or whatever pulled me to the side and held me in a room.
He asked for my ticket but I threw it away with this really good pretzel.
So anyways he is like you have to buy another ticket and made me buy another one but not D.
And I really wanted to buy the new OneRepublic cd. Like the hard copy and not just download them.
That man made me mad as hell. Fucking white ugly a** b*tch.
MusicalLover9816
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Native
So I downloaded OneRepublic's new album Native. I'm in love with it. It's really good.
I haven't gotten the acoustics versions of What You Wanted, If I Lose Myself, or Burning Bridges but I REALLY want them.
But anyways I love Counting Stars.
Lately I've been I've been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
"Counting Stars" - OneRepublic
MusicalLover9816
I haven't gotten the acoustics versions of What You Wanted, If I Lose Myself, or Burning Bridges but I REALLY want them.
But anyways I love Counting Stars.
Lately I've been I've been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
"Counting Stars" - OneRepublic
MusicalLover9816
Monday, March 25, 2013
Friend
Okay so I don't know.
You know that feeling you get when you know no matter how hard you try for something you are going to fail...
I have that feeling.
That friend I keep bringing up KS...
I should just be like our friendship is over but I don't know how to do that. That is the longest friend I have had. And I am not good at making friend very easily. Not real true friends that actually know me and most parts of me. (Nobody knows everything about me except God. I have to have some secrets to myself. Sorry.)
I'm that weird loud girl who smiles all the time and laughs and gets good grades and is always reading and is writing something down but you never know what.
Me, personally I'm okay with that.
I don't know. I feel neglected and thrown away like yesterday's trash.
I'm sad.
Five years of friendship and now she can't even text me hey.
I talked to her the other day and all we talked about were dogs. I don't really like animals... Well house animals.
It was like a flashing light saying
SHE DOENS'T KNOW YOU.
Ugh... I don't know. I'm tired of talking about things I don't care about. I don't want to here about your different crushes and all the boys that like you. I don't want to hear about people biting you or trying to feel you up and you liking it. Stop acting so grown when really your just a ninth grader. You don't know anything so shut up. I'm tired of drama.
I'm tired of the world.
Music is barely keeping me alive here.
I need help.
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
"Breathe Me" - Sia
It's time to wake up now
Running around this ghost town
Oh my heads tied up in knots
And fear stands beside me
As henchmen block my every glimps of hope
Oh I fear I've lost control
Good-bye cruel world
Good-bye cruel world
I hear the morning call
The sound of their voices slowly fades away with all the clouds
And I can hear the sound of birds
Their looks of frustration powerless to find the rising sun
Oh I open up my eyes
Yeah
Hello Sweet World
Hello Sweet World
Yea, Hello Sweet World
Hello Sweet World
The morning has arrived
The morning has arrived
Someones gotta fight for it
No ones here to give it up
Someones gotta fight for you
"Hello Sweet World" - Gangs of Ballet
Man, it's been a long day
Stuck thinking 'bout it driving on the freeway
Wondering if I really tried everything I could
Not knowing if I should try a little harder
Oh, but I'm scared to death
That there may not be another one like this
And I confess that I'm only holding on by a thin thin thread
I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard
The words that you needed so bad
And I'm kicking the dirt cause I never gave you
The things that you needed to have
I'm so sad, saaad
Man, it's been a long night
Just sitting here, trying not to look back
Still looking at the road we never drove on
And wondering if the one I chose was the right one
Oh, but I'm scared to death
That there may not be another one like this
And I confess that I'm only holding on by a thin thin thread
I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard
The words that you needed so bad
And I'm kicking the dirt cause I never gave you
The things that you needed to have
I'm so sad, saaad
I'm so sad, so sad
Oh, but I'm scared to death
That there may not be another one like this
And I confess that I'm only holding on by a thin thin thread
I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard
The words that you needed so bad
And I'm kicking the dirt cause I never gave you
The things that you needed to have
And I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard
The words that you needed so bad
I'm so sad, so sad
"Sad" - Maroon 5
MusicalLover9816
You know that feeling you get when you know no matter how hard you try for something you are going to fail...
I have that feeling.
That friend I keep bringing up KS...
I should just be like our friendship is over but I don't know how to do that. That is the longest friend I have had. And I am not good at making friend very easily. Not real true friends that actually know me and most parts of me. (Nobody knows everything about me except God. I have to have some secrets to myself. Sorry.)
I'm that weird loud girl who smiles all the time and laughs and gets good grades and is always reading and is writing something down but you never know what.
Me, personally I'm okay with that.
I don't know. I feel neglected and thrown away like yesterday's trash.
I'm sad.
Five years of friendship and now she can't even text me hey.
I talked to her the other day and all we talked about were dogs. I don't really like animals... Well house animals.
It was like a flashing light saying
SHE DOENS'T KNOW YOU.
Ugh... I don't know. I'm tired of talking about things I don't care about. I don't want to here about your different crushes and all the boys that like you. I don't want to hear about people biting you or trying to feel you up and you liking it. Stop acting so grown when really your just a ninth grader. You don't know anything so shut up. I'm tired of drama.
I'm tired of the world.
Music is barely keeping me alive here.
I need help.
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
"Breathe Me" - Sia
It's time to wake up now
Running around this ghost town
Oh my heads tied up in knots
And fear stands beside me
As henchmen block my every glimps of hope
Oh I fear I've lost control
Good-bye cruel world
Good-bye cruel world
I hear the morning call
The sound of their voices slowly fades away with all the clouds
And I can hear the sound of birds
Their looks of frustration powerless to find the rising sun
Oh I open up my eyes
Yeah
Hello Sweet World
Hello Sweet World
Yea, Hello Sweet World
Hello Sweet World
The morning has arrived
The morning has arrived
Someones gotta fight for it
No ones here to give it up
Someones gotta fight for you
"Hello Sweet World" - Gangs of Ballet
Man, it's been a long day
Stuck thinking 'bout it driving on the freeway
Wondering if I really tried everything I could
Not knowing if I should try a little harder
Oh, but I'm scared to death
That there may not be another one like this
And I confess that I'm only holding on by a thin thin thread
I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard
The words that you needed so bad
And I'm kicking the dirt cause I never gave you
The things that you needed to have
I'm so sad, saaad
Man, it's been a long night
Just sitting here, trying not to look back
Still looking at the road we never drove on
And wondering if the one I chose was the right one
Oh, but I'm scared to death
That there may not be another one like this
And I confess that I'm only holding on by a thin thin thread
I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard
The words that you needed so bad
And I'm kicking the dirt cause I never gave you
The things that you needed to have
I'm so sad, saaad
I'm so sad, so sad
Oh, but I'm scared to death
That there may not be another one like this
And I confess that I'm only holding on by a thin thin thread
I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard
The words that you needed so bad
And I'm kicking the dirt cause I never gave you
The things that you needed to have
And I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard
The words that you needed so bad
I'm so sad, so sad
"Sad" - Maroon 5
MusicalLover9816
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