Evil

I don't know why I named this evil but yeah deal with it.

So howdy y'all. I don't even know what to talk about.

Now I do.

I'm addicted to The Voice.
I am completely Team Adam & Team Shakira, but Usher and Blake have really nice artist.

But right now Blake is a complete idiot. He sent Luke home and kept Holly.

What the BLEEP Blake!?!????!!!! I mean Holly did a fantastic job but she is so predictable and her voice isn't really changing.

Luke's voice is so unique and different and just the way he sings is amazing. He turned Teenage Dream into this real R&B song that rocked it. I loved it but noooooo Blake chooses Holly.

Ugh..... I am so not Team Blake. Just no.

Love Luke!!!!



I know some people are going to get mad at this and think I am heartless but I'm not. I'm not good with emotions.

But how many times can you get on TV and break down about your mom before people get sick?

Vedo is a very good singer. With some help he could be amazing. I love that he sings for his mom but if I see him break down and cry on TV one more time I am going to scream. Seriously dude. I know it's hard to have someone so close to you die. But sometimes you have to hold it in. I mean the first time was okay. The second was like ehhhh. The third is like okay now. And just no.

I mean Vedo is an excellent singer and he did push the other boy out the way but you have to bottle them up. People always go for the sob story but if you overdo it then it doesn't mean anything. And the show is called The Voice. You have to show your emotions through your voice.

So yeah.


I already know that me watching singing competitions are not the best thing. I don't just listen to them sing. I watch them connect with the song. You have to have that connection. It helps you relate and you really start to feel the song and it pushes you to do better and over the top.

Me I can't sing. I seriously don't think I can sing. But I love music and I love to sing so yeah.

Anyways. Yeah.










MusicalLover9816

Just saying a few things...

So yes. I am watching A.N.T. Farm... WHO IN THE NAME OF SWEET BISCUITS HOLDS A FUNERAL FOR A FAKE ASS PET WHO DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A MOUTH THEN HOLDS AN ACTUAL DAY LONG MURDER MYSTERY INVESTIGATION FOR IT DROP THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN THE TRASH THEN MOVE ON CHRIST
Well now that I got that out of my system...J's Bday was Sunday!!! MusicLover made every one in his 2nd block class today sing him Happy Birthday. Just like she did to me(indirectly). I hope he realizes what I go through every day. Hanging out with MusicLover. So yeah it was yesterday even though ML wished him Happy Bday on Friday...or maybe Thursday...? Yeah he thought she was stalking him. Which she might be...anyhoo I wished him Happy Bday after school today. He didn't smile or ANYTHING. He said thanks but you know. Kinda makes me think of how I shouldn't like him...And C was like "Oh I like you but I know you don't like me so-" And "Hey Kat lemme see your hand oh it says you like J...and it also says you will never have a chance with him!" I swear to Glob I wanted to punch him in the face! Instead I just giggled and held his hand then when he asked me out for like the 3rd time I said no...I felt kinda jerkish but he was a jerk first and I know that's not very Christian but ugh. IDK.
And KS is moving tomorrow. I guess I got my wish. That she wouldn't come to our high school. I felt kinda bad about wishing that for a while but I've come to terms with the fact that its not my fault she's moving(at least I hope its not) and the only thing I'm guilty of is not wanting her to come to start anymore drama at the one school that really rocks.
Suggestions People? Cause I'm confuzzled

KatCentral

Bad

I don't feel good.

My entire body hurts and I'm tired if thinking.

I don't even know how to describe it. It's just I'm drained emotionally and physically an mentally.

I don't even know.

I seriously feel bipolar.

Is that bad?







MusicalLover9816

Funny

I don't know why I laughed so hard at this but I was crying when I saw this.

Whos a genius? Imma genius!!!

CHARACTERS:

Mirage *Mir*- White/Blond hair, gray eyes, pale skin----- argumentative, tough, loves musicals

Susannah *Suze*- Brown hair, hazel eyes, mixed-----caring, innocent, loves musicals

Falcon-brown hair, green eyes, light brown skin-----pretty freaking good

Hawk-Black hair*same style as Falcon, green eyes *darker, light brown skin-----pretty freaking evil

Alli- black curly hair, ??? eyes, black, glasses-----not very rule-breaky (Hermione-ish?)

PLOT:

1.       Goes through tree shaped like                   that is a portal to a world called _______________

2.       Meets Falcon and other ___________ians who aren’t living right i.e. poverty, starving, like slaves

3.       Mirage finds out it’s because of Hawk and his father who run the land and are JERKS

4.       Insert scene were Mirage hates Romeo and Juliet

“Romeo and Juliet is not a love story. It’s a 3 day relationship between a 13 year old and a 17 year old that caused 6 deaths!!!” I said, rolling my eyes.

“It is a love story! Its romantic and timeless and you a just jealous!!!” Suze argued, eyes narrowed.

“Jealous of what?” I looked at her in confusion.

“I’m sorry, what is Romeo and Juliet?” Falcon asks “I’ve never heard of it before.” Suzannah outlines the story for him while I stand there glaring. “It sounds lovely.” Falcon sighs “True love and loss.”

“The both of you are about this close to getting punched in the throat.” I spread my fingers about an inch apart.

5.       Mirage is captured by Hawk for being part of the Rebellion

6.       Mirage sings in a cell, attracting Hawk’s attention, who had heard the ‘new world’ song in a dream the night before.

Nothing was going right. I was stuck in a dungeon next to this skeleton, and had no clue where my friends or family are. What stupid person goes through a bent tree to a magical world anyway? How stupid could you get?

“Bulletproof….nothing to lose….I am titanium. Ricochet, you take your aim…I am titanium….” I start singing softly. My eyes are closed and I try to imagine I am somewhere pleasurable. Anywhere but here.

“Shoot me down, but I won’t fall. I am titanium?” I hear someone say. My eyes shoot open and there stands Hawk looking at me strangely. “Where have you heard that tune?” He asks.

“Titanium by David Guetta. It’s my favorite song. But hold on, you wouldn’t know because you’ve outlawed music! You ragamuffin!”

7.       Hawk helps Mirage escape (cause he loves her therefore reenacting ‘Romeo and Juliet’ BA-BAM!)

8.       Suze and Hawk. Together. Duh

9.       Epic battle where it is revealed Hawk and Falcon are brothers!!! *totally stole that from shatter me whoops

10.   Suze and Mirage return to real life where it turns out Alli was in the middle of a sentence, same day same hour same minute as when they left.

THEN ANOTHER BOOK IN WHICH THEY ARE SUMMONED IN A DREAM BUT MORE ON THAT LATER

-KatCentral

Writing

Just some stuff I saw about writing and writers I liked.





MusicalLover9816

Fro Yo

Went and got Frozen Yougurt with Kat and JB today.

Sometimes you just need time with your friends.

Had fun, laughed a lot.

Just an update.





MusicalLover9816

Connection

Sorry me or Kat haven't posted in a while. It's not like people actually read or comment or whatever.

Anyways so I'm laying in bed. My iPod is on shuffle and How To Save A Life by The Fray comes on.

I'm reading so I'm not really paying attention to the song but then it gets to the end and I start paying attention and the chorus of the songs reminds me of something.

This chorus is:

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life


So it's towards the end where they just repeat that over and over again and I'm actually listening and it reminds me of the night KS tried to commit suicide.

I mean seriously.
I stayed up all night that night freaking out.
I lost a friend for a better part of it. I mean we are trying again but still.
And I have asked myself repeatedly what I could have done to fix it and make it right or whatever.

So I'm listening and it's going off and I'm like damn.

That's music for you.




MusicalLover9816

Songs + MTV Movie Awards

I put my iPod on shuffle today right for all my songs. So For The First Time came on by The Script.
And it was just awesome because I hadn't heard that song in so long. And it's a shamed because I love The Script and I love that song. I mean when it first came out I sung it like everyday.
I say all this likes it's been a really long but really it been like what two years at the most.
But I did hear Hey Yeah! by OutKast the other day and was like OMG THIS WAS THE SONG.
I remember that song. I love that song. So when I heard it I was like freaking out
It made me think about all the songs I don't listen to anymore but love.
I'm FINNA look up some old songs.
Wanna go back to my childhood. The best part of my childhood.




Now onto the MTV Movie Awards.
Rebel Wilson hosted. I think she did good. It wasn't the best but she had some funny moments and yeah.
So Macklemore preformed and I loved it. He was jumping around and just wouldn't stop moving. I swear it's like her was high or something but it was AWESOME.
The Pitch Perfect cast preformed and it was awesome too.
Selena Gomez preformed and she sounded a little strained and hoarse. She did an okay job, but I think she took the Indian beat of her song to far.
Especially since she isn't Indian.

Taylor Lautner won't for Best Shirtless, but that was obvious with all the lovely Twilight fans out there.
TEAM JACOB!!!!!!

Best Movie was The Avengers. I saw The Avengers with Kat and loved it. Awesome movie.

Emma Watson won the Trailblazer Award. I love Emma!!!!!!!!! They showed her as Hermione and I was just amazed at how much she grew up. Awww

Oh so Bradley Cooper won the first award and gave this speech. So it kinda made everyone uncomfortable though when he started talking about veterans. I mean Veterans rock! Most of my family has been in the Armed Forces, but Bradley just took the mood down.

So everything else was good. I liked it and laughed at some jokes and stuff.
So yeah.





Now I'm tired.
My father forgot to drop this book off so now I have to freaking pay late fees. And I need index cards... I gotta give a speech.

And oh,

Dear People who rant on Facebook,

Yeah don't. My friend did yesterday and its just like... Why don't you tell the person you got a problem with that. When you don't put people's names in it that doesn't mean they know who you are talking about. And if you aren't friends with them then you look stupid. Because if you are gonna talk about someone... Say it to there face. Don't sit and talk behind there back.
Anyways can we kill the drama????

No....

Well then.







MusicalLover9816

Whiny Bitxh

Okay so I am reading Unravel Me by Tahereh Mafi. It's the sequel to Shatter Me.

Anyways the girl in here, Juliette she can't really touch people because she could kill them. But then she meets this due who can touch her. Turns out he can't, well he shouldn't be touching her. He has this power that helps protect him but its really tiring for him to do it.

Anyways she is in the facility that is trying to start a revolution. Because the world was taken over by this group of people.

I'm not gonna explain the whole thing to you. If you wanna read it them go find it. Me and Kat have read it so yeah.

Anyways she is being a whiny bitch about it. She can't barely see dude. People state at her. Blah blah blah.

So this dude, Kenji, who is supposed to be helping her goes off on her. More than once. And is talking about how she needs to stop crying in a corner and sitting in the dark and all types of things.

And I agree with him. Juliette has made some interesting points throughout the book but she is being an idiot and stupid and it's annoying me.

So I understand why Kenji is gong off but I also understand and sympathize with Juliette.

She's been through all sorts of things and she is coping but she is doing it the wrong way. Well no, you cope in your own way and at your own time. But just how she is acting and treating it is annoying and just ugh.

And then I thought... Wait... What about me?

Seriously now. I have bitched about KS so much on here and this weekend she changed her KIK picture to one of us and tried texting me and actually starting the convo and its pissed me off.

So I'm reading this long monologue where Kenji is going off on her and I'm just like... I'm doing some of the same things Juliette is doing.

Yeah life gets hard but that doesn't mean you give up and shut people out.

And I have been shutting down.

I mean I have more strength and dignity than that.

I'm not gonna give up because it got kinda hard or people start changing.

Yeah I have a tiny right to be pissed at KS and her family but I have got to forgive and move on.

She wants to be friends and stuff and get back on track and I need to decide if that's what I want.

Yep...
Well that's deep enough for today...

Expect a post on the MTV Movie awards...





MusicalLover9816

Beyonce wasnt in Motown...

So I was doing this thing. About Motown. And I was supposed to be Tammy Terrell and Beyoncé. Beyoncé wasn't even in Motown but whatever. Its not my decision to make. So it was me, this guy named JN and his sister A (if I didn't know any better Id swear they were dating, they are that close) and a bunch of seriously sassy but sweet under age 8 kids lip-syncing. But its over and done with now. It was kind of fun, I guess. At the end we had to do a finale which was the song Dancing in the Street and I really didn't want to go out there again but I did and JN was really dancing. I thought he was a nerd like me but nope. I mean he was GETTING DOWN.
BTW I had made a point to myself not to look in the mirror until it was over because that would've made me more nervous. But I knew I had on makeup but I had nothing to take it off so I was walking around with stage makeup on. So when it was over and I was back in my Hogwarts T-shirt (which is right there its really cute and stuff I love it)

and a pair of jeans. So yeah I walked out from behind stage you know with my mini leather backpack my step mom got me (also adorable) and JN walked in as I was walking out I was super hungry so I was going to get a samich from the cast room and some cookies or chips you know food items and he walks in carrying props so I moved out of the way and he just stood in the doorway looking at me for a few seconds and I was like "Okay..." And he started slowly walking away and said "you may not believe me but you look beautiful with or without makeup." And then WALKED AWAY and I'm stuck for like 5 seconds staring at the doorknob like "da fruit...?"
But on a totally different note, I HAVE RITZ CHIPS. THEY ARE LITTLE PEICES OF HEAVEN.
Oh but the JN thing yeah so he met my brother who is totally a jerk but his nickname is "The Mayor" seriously no joke but no one except me seems to realize all political figures are two-faced. They call him the mayor because he is so friendly to everyone. YEAH OKAY. But him and JN totally hit it off I swear. We all exchanged phone numbers JN is home schooled and is going to college next year even though he is 15 the little genius. Its all stupid. I mean they both totally forgot about me they were just talking about some stuff I don't know I had walked away talking to this guy named Mic who I just met he was pretty cool. So me and Mic and A were talking just chatting so little man aka The Mayor comes and says we have to go so JN's little sister L comes up, gives me a hug, hands me her moms phone and says "here put your number" and I'm like "aw" she's a sassy one usually but I swear but the cutest thing she was in the show too she is 7 I love her SO but yeah so I put my number in her phone. JN has little man's number even though JN got his phone taken for something stupid idk. But so that's what happened yesterday.
Here's a picture of what I think me and ML's relationship...

 

 

KatCentral

Laughter

I love Adele and I love Spongebob. This is the stupidest thing ever and I laughed my a** off.

I hate when people make fun of Adele and talk shxt about her or whatever but this was funny to me.

Like wow.
I will share my laughter with you.





MusicalLover9816

Text

If you don't text me all week don't decide to just text me out of the blue on a Friday.
At 10:30 in the morning at that.

Don't do that. You can't talk to me all week but then decide to text for some stupid a** reason.

And then when I text you back you don't respond. What type of shxt?

I feel like I'm being walked all over and she knows for a fact that I barely wake up before 11 if someone doesn't wake me up. And she knows I go to school. Don't text someone on a school day before the time school ends or before they leave. I understand you get bored but for real.

And I was hoping she wouldn't text me. I'm not trying to be mean or nothing but i won't be doing much this weekend.

Might go to the library but whatever.
Kat won't let me see her preform so she is and ugh...

I don't feel like dealing with her and I'm exhausted. I'm not talking about Kat, I am talking about KS.

If I text her she won't respond all week but she will on Friday like ain't nothing happened.

She barely text me. Maybe once each weekend to ask if I want to do anything but I have been extremely busy these past weeks.

It's not my fault I don't have time. I understand she gets mad for a second but don't get an attitude. And then decide to ignore me for a while.

And when you do text me back don't talk about stuff you know I don't want to hear about. Or stop in the middle of the convo. Okay now, whatever.

God I'm pissed.


My week has been hell.






MusicalLover9816

Tired

What!
I'm back.

Nah not really.
I'm still depressingly sad at times, but I don't wanna kill myself.
Like I told dude the other day.
Where's the fun in that????
Nobody is gonna give a shit and I will just be another one of those teens who can't deal.
I'm finna show these motherf**kers. I will be someone.

Anyways... I'm still tired of all the shxt going on through my life but I'm okay.
I ready for summer so I can leave this dumb ass state and go up north with my mom.
I miss her.

Kat pointed out something to me about how it was ironic that I had on a heart necklace even though I don't believe in love.
No offense Kat but I wanted to punch the shxt out of you right then.
You didn't know though so it's okay.
The necklace I had on was from my Grandfather who is now resting peacefully in the ground. He only died about a year ago so it's still sad. It will always be sad but yeah.

I have a lot of homework to do in a short amount of time. And I'm trying to take care of my siblings while my stepmother is resting. So it's hard when there are four of them, and no one is really helping me.

I haven't talked to KS in a long time. It doesn't really hit me that hard since I don't know. I guess... I don't know.

I got my report card today and it looks good but my friend freaked out because she got her first C.
Yeah... She kinda pissed me off too, but it's her first so whatever. It is kinda her fault. Teacher don't like late work even if they say they will give you full credit. It's more work for them to grade and yeah. Just saying.

And so father is pissing me off. I got a new bed about a month ago and now my brother is getting a new bed. When I got a kindle my brother got one. I got an iPod and my brother got a phone. I can't have anything without my brother getting something like it or better. I want my own stuff. My brother doesn't even care about some of this stuff. Seriously is nothing sacred anymore.

So... I think I'm going to see a counselor this summer. Which is a therapist but not calling it that will make me feel better about going. So shut up. Eh... I'm trying to deal with to much stuff and its just not helping me mentally and emotionally.

And so the end of the year is coming which means I will no longer be a freshman. I'm getting old and I'm kinda ready to be a sophomore.

Okay so I'm addicted to Something I Need by OneRepublic. The first part is super amazing and totally describes how I feel. It is my song right now.




I had a dream the other night
About how we only get one life
Woke me up right after two
Stayed awake and stared at you
So I wouldn't lose my mind

And I had the week that came from hell
And yes I know that you can tell
But you're like the net under the ledge
But I go flying off the edge
You go flying off as well

And if you only die once I wanna die with
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)

Last night I think I drank too much
Call it our temporary crutch
With broken words I tried to say
Honey don't you be afraid
If we got nothing we got us (Yeah)

And if you only die once I wanna die with
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)

I know that we're not the same
But I'm so damn glad that we made it
To this time, this time, now

You got something I need
Yeah in this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (Yeah)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)
You got something I need
In this world full of people there's one killing me
And if we only die once I wanna die with you (you, you, you)

If we only die once I wanna die with
If we only live once I wanna live with you

"Something I Need"
- OneRepublic

Who doesnt like finger painting?

You know, silence is really great. I mean really. Today I was sitting with my friends N***, S*****, and A******, just talking. N*** and S***** are like really close and N*** and A****** are really close I'm not even sure how S***** and A****** feel about each other but I had just met them today. I only knew N*** from like 7th grade when we talked for like 5 minutes in total then he went to Tokyo or whatever but here he is in 10th grade I'm in 9th and I can talk to him kinda sorta but then today I just felt like I was just there. I was listening to their conversation and if you know me you know that if  I don't know you I wont talk. My mind just shuts down. Some people I have really good clickage with and I can talk to them straightaway when I meet them but some people I have to be around them for weeks before they see the real me. So these two people I don't know and this one guy I kinda know. I just watched them talk.
Then I moved down the bleachers to sit with these dorks; R***, C***, and this other guy I forget his name L***** or something but they were playing chess and I've known them for about half the year so I can talk to them okay most of the time but today I felt half there and Id laugh at whatever joke they were making but I just wanted to write in my notebook ya' know? So this girl, D********, I've known her for three years, she was one of my first friends but we weren't that close it was kind of like an acquaintance thing but we've always gotten along. I sat with her and she was doing Algebra homework and playing Temple Run where the Coach couldn't see and that was better. We talked to say "How are you doing" and stuff but we were just silent. She let me play Temple Run on her IPod while she listened to music. I didn't have to think or anything just slide my finger along the screen which is good because these days I really don't feel like thinking much of anything. Having an active imagination is both a blessing and curse.
My brother, little man, is pissing me off. A few days ago in the morning he said, and I quote: "Don't tell me what to do. Hurry up." How hypocritical. And he does debate and he's like the only freshman that got on the debate team last year so he thinks he's some big shxt but I'm sick of him telling me what to do and acting like he can have that privilege.  He has anger issues and I AM SO SICK OF HIM every time he gets mad at me and hits me I get blamed for making him mad in the first place. I didn't do anything!!! Cant you see that? I am the one being punished here! Twice! Once being in the wrong place at the wrong time and again for having a brother who loses himself and apparently its my fault! They say he doesn't have anger issues but then what's the reason for him not being able to play video games that are violent; they say it might give him ideas; and why did he go to that psychiatrist?
ML please don't commit suicide. KS tried to. I hadn't spoken to her in a while but when she did I cried and I cant stop thinking about it. Of course I've thought about doing suicide too. I really don't want to but I kinda do. I'm safe until the summer though because I know I want to see my Dad one more time at least. My friend Q tried to commit suicide it took an hour or two of coaxing to bring him to his senses. I didn't think about committing myself. Then KS had to go and strive for attention.
J doesn't like finger painting.
And now I'm all alone again; Nowhere to go, no one to turn to; Did not want your money sir,
Came out here cause I was told to; And now the night is near; Now I can make believe he's here.
Sometimes I walk alone at night; When everybody else is sleeping; I think of him, and then I'm happy; With the company I'm keeping; The city goes to bed; And I can live inside my head
On my own;  Pretending he's beside me; All alone; I walk with him till morning; Without him; I feel his arms around me; And when I lose my way I close my eyes; And he has found me.
In the rain; The pavement shines like silver; All the lights; Are misty in the river; In the darkness; The trees are full of starlight; And all I see is him and me for ever and forever.
And I know; It's only in my mind; That I'm talking to myself; And not to him; And although I know that he is blind; Still I say; There's a way for us.
I love him; But when the night is over; He is gone; The river's just a river; Without him, The world around me changes; The trees are bare and everywhere; The streets are full of strangers.
I love him;  But every day I'm learning, All my life,  I've only been pretending! Without me, His world will go on turning, The world is full of happiness that I have never known!
I love him... I love him... I love him... But only on my own...

KatCentral

Dear God

Dear God,

I feel like killing myself.

Hi up there. Yeah I'm currently sitting on my living room floor trying to do math and thinking about what it would feel like to die.

I'm confused and tired and the pollen is messing up my allergies.

Please don't me serious because I very am. I seriously feel like dying right now. And I am not joking.

Just think about...

All the blood leaving my body because I cut myself and my once full of life eyes going helpless. I probably wouldn't be found until the morning time. Maybe not until later that afternoon if I am lucky.

Or me gasping for that last breathe as the string cuts off the air supply to my lungs. Some dark song playing in the background begging and dragging my unwilling spirit to the underworld.

So many different was to do it.

But no... You have given me enough strength to come and type out my problems. So here I am.

Trying to do my algebra homework is like the breaking point of this day. I can't take anymore. I'm extremely tired and I just wanted to come home and finish it quickly so I could watch my show.

Oh course you had other plans for me.

Cause yesterday my stepmother messed up her ankle and I knew... I knew my father would do this to me.

I know my father works at night so he needs his sleep during the day. You would think he would step up a little bit.

But no you allowed my father to get suck. Not like deadly sick but sick. And since me and him don't really get sick often he feels like crap.

And you gave me my brother who just likes to watch random YouTube videos all day and not help me.

So here I am watching my siblings and the other children my stepmother keeps by myself. And I'm currently trying to pass ninth grade.

And then you gave us this lovely spring whether. You know with all the freaking pollen so now I'm having allergy problems but I am the only one who can really watch them right now.

My stepmother can't walk. My father can't yell, is tired, works at night, and is lazy either way. My brother doesn't pay attention and doesn't care.

So here I am stepping up.

Came home today in a pissed off mood. Don't ask me why because I don't know. Do you?

Are you trying to put bipolar in me now because I was happy minutes before that but then I went to get my stuff and everything just went away.

So I don't talk. Walk to my bus. Walk to my house.

Eat some cereal because we have no other food.

Go in my room determined to crack this homework and watch my show and go to sleep.

Nah you decide to get my father to take the 5 kids outside. I know you saw that. You say me struggle as I out their shoes on while my brother laughed to some stupid video. I know you say when the damn wasp started coming closer and closer. I know you say when the kids ran everywhere.

I know you did. You see all.

And I'm trying not to touch my damn face because I have already inhaled enough pollen that day.

So then they pick flowers and we go back upstairs. It took my 25 minutes to calm them down and for my father to get out of bed to tell them shut up,

They don't listen to me. You know that.

So I go in my room determined to finally do my homework.

But nope, you have me go back outside to take pictures of the kids with their flowers where I wasp takes nest in my hair. Thanks for that!

So I finally screamed it away. Screamed.... Loudly.

So now I go and I really need to get my stuff done.

Nah you want me to make the kids hotdogs since that is mostly the only thing to cook. You know that thing that my stepmother makes to much of that I hate it but will eat when I'm really hungry and I know there won't be anymore food. Yeah those things.

Next up homework.

Yeah I sit down while the hotdogs were cooking. And open my Algebra 2 book because I know we have a quiz tomorrow.

Thanks for making this shxt so fucking confusing it just makes me happiness plummet.

I can't even get passed the first question. I'm sitting here my mind is racing trying to figure out to do. I'm looking through my notes and my book.

And I just don't get it.

My parents don't get it.
My brother doesn't even know what it is.

And I'm just here.

Thanks.

I am not blaming you for this but can you please help me.

Yeah I know there are way more important things than a suicidal 14 year old girl who can't get passed her homework to watch tv but you know can I have a little piece of you right now.

Just a piece.

I'm so tired and confused and I just feel like someone shxtted in my Rice Krispies.

You may think I'm overreacting but compared to the fucking life I have had I'm not.

Especially when I combine all the bad things I have gone through and all the complications and just everything. What about that???
Can we talk about that????

I got no help them can I get some now. I just need to know you are up there and you hear me. You know I'm here.

I'm tired of doing this without you.

I'm so tired...













MusicalLover9816

I don't even know.

First I need to say something to Kat.
One I dont care if "finna" isnt a word. I am going to say it because I have said it for most of my life. So you can KMA.
Two you posted for the hundreth time. You should have said something about that. I don't know.



Okay so music. Yeah so I was on YouTube and I was reading some of the comments. So like people were saying, I wanted real music so I came here.
I say that a lot.
And I just realized that I shouldn't.

People have very different taste in music so the type of music you listen to and the type of music they listen to could be different. So just because you think that one genre or artist is complete trash doesn't mean that the whole world does. There are still people who think that it rocks and will listen to it.

So everything is real music. It may not be real music to you but to soemone else it is.

Some Justin Bieber song could have saved some girl from committing suicide.

Music is universal. Everyone has a beat inside of them. A world without music is a world without life. I seriously think you need music to survive. So just because you don't like something or don't think it's "real music" doesn't mean that it isn't.



Music is really important to me. I don't know why exactly but I do know that I listen to it everyday. I sing a lot and just really like music. I mostly like the lyrics of songs. I don't know but the way songwriters word these songs to have a melody is amazing. Just thinking of the process you go through to get to that. It's... mind - blowing. I wish I could do that.

Writing does that for me. It takes all these ideas and it lets me explore my imagination. I used to be really boring and like really quiet. Everything I wanted to say usually went into words on a page and it still does. I do express myself verbally but when I write from the heart you can see exactly what I am feeling and how soemthing affected me. So it's like... ughhhhhhhh.
I dont know how to expolain it. My mind is just a mess if beats, words, lyrics, pictures. I want all that down on paper. It's so confusing sometimes cause it could be all just one big picture or a thousand small ones. It's like something exploded inside my head and the only time I can clean up the mess is when I was have pen and paper and I am not forcing myself to write. If I force myself to write it won;t come out right.

How do you explain something you don't understand?

I am like literally scratching my head trying to tell you how much writing and music is a relief to me and it is so confusing. I don't even know why it is such a relief. I just know that hearing song lyrics that I can relate to my life is such a freaking awesome experience. It is like you finally seeing you have a friend when you have been alone for so many years. It's like drinking something so cool and refreshing after a thousand years of drought and then to be able to put that all down on paper and show the world. Fuck awesome.

Trying to explain myself is so hard. I just don't even know.

Music and writing are huge parts of my life. They help me decide and express myself. I am still learning who I am and they help me along the way.







MusicalLover9816

Quick Post

I think this is the funniest thing. You can just, like, imagine someone saying "He. Was. Pushed!!!!"
I dont have a lot of time but I just want to ask that you people out there would please explain to MusicLover that "finna" is not a word. Its not

KatCentral

Demons

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

When the curtain’s call
Is the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made

Don’t want to let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don’t want to hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I want to save their light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide


- Imagine Dragons





This is so true.
If you really look into my eyes you can tell exactly what's wrong with me. Well you can tell how I feel.

My fakes smiles don't reach me eyes.




MusicalLover9816

Quote

Since ML has a favorite quote, This is mine ^^^^ also I was talking to my friend D and I want my child's first word to be "Quote" and his last word to be "Unquote" This conversation has been going on for the entire day because we were talking about the drastic measures i would take to ensure my child's first and last words would be quote and unquote.

KatCentral

How I Feel

Having a crush is like having that little piece of rock stuck in your shoe and you stop walking and shake it out and you're pretty sure its gone but then half an hour later you feel it under your toe and you're like oh no.

KatCentral

KS

So...KS. If it never happened. If i didn't receive a text in the middle of the night. If i didn't receive a call in the early morning. If I didn't get involved. If I didn't care so much. All these stupid "If"s and I don't know what to do with them. So, duh, they stay in my head. KS wasn't a big friend of mine. I don't think she ever liked me much. But she did love ML and ML loved me so I guess she put up with me. We had the same taste. The guy I liked ended up being her boyfriend and a real jerk. But i don't know. When I got that text it was not comprehending. My mind was just like "...processing....."
And when i thought it was over I got a call saying that I messed up. From the person I was trying to help. I am afraid. Very afraid of receiving a call like that again.
Therapy. I take pride in being the only person in my family not needing it. Turns out I might. I feel very depressed and I find that when you are depressed it is a lot easier to laugh. So I was laughing. And I realized I wasn't. That's kind of scary. I'm not even in control anymore. I want to laugh so bad I'm FAKING it. I also don't want to tell my parents. My mom was out cold when I got that call so she didn't know I was on my floor trembling and pressing my nails into my palm talking to 911.
Wow I am making this sound a lot more dramatized than it is. I am just realizing. Heres what I want to say.
MY FRIEND WHO IM NOT SURE IS MY FRIEND TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE. I THINK SHE WANTED ATTENTION. I HATE HER FOR WANTING THAT ATTENTION. BUT I DONT HATE HER. I THINK SHE MESSED ME UP BUT IM NOT SURE HOW.
There. That felt good.

KatCentral

P.S. I think this is my therapy.

Wondering

Yeah so you know what I think? I think there is someone out there right now wondering about some stuff but they don't wanna comment.

That person wondering, if I am talking to you, you know who you are, then say something.

Please.

Yourself

Okay so Kat posted on religion and God. I am briefly going to hit on that right now. It's a touchy subject for just about anyone because you're trying to be yourself but you want to follow God. And then there are the people in the church.
I worship God but I cannot stand the people in my church or how they act sometimes. So I just won't go but that doesn't mean he isn't in my heart. Because he is. He is a huge part in there and I am honestly happy he is.
Anyways I'm not going to go all into that because it would take me forever to explain some of the things I think about or believe.

Next I am going to tell why I like to write. I was going to do this the other day but I got distracted. Writing for me is more than about getting rich and famous off my books. In honesty I would super happy even if they weren't published. I don't want them to be. They are for me and whoever I choose to share them with. If I decide to publish them then fine but I'm not sending a copy of my stories out to every publisher or something.
Writing is like therapy for me. And not typing. I usually write my post them type them. I like the feeling of soreness you get when you start writing. How you don't even notice it until you are done. You get so caught up in writing that you don't even notice what you were writing and you have this awesome thing in front of you. And you're just like wow.
People always force themselves to write and I just won't let myself do that. It would come out all wrong. I like spontaneous and all the ideas that jump out of nowhere.
I like channeling my emotions into what I write to help me express them. I like writing when I'm sad or angry to help me realize why I am sad or angry. I like to solve my own problems after I see them on paper.
A lot of time when people come to me with a problem they can't explain I tell them to write it down.
If you can't think of words make some up.
I love writing for hour where you just get lost and don't pay attention to anything. I love being in that zone where nothing else's trees but your mind working and the paper in front of you.
I have always written. I pulled away from it during the last years of elementary and the first of middle school, but everything that happened to me in middle school made me start over.
I know some of my stories are complete crap but they are mine and I am proud of them.

Okay so that's mostly that.

Anyways lets talk about KS again, the girl I called me sister.
Never wished I made up with her.
I knew it would be awkward but I'm tired of being the only one putting in effort to try and fix things. Like seriously you can text me sometimes or try to respond earlier than three in the morning. Or just wait.
When we first got into our fight I was like this is God's way of letting me know what he doesn't want me around her anymore. I mean why else why God do that to me. She was my longest friend. You notice I don't say closest but that's because she wasn't. She hasn't been in a while. So yeah I blamed God for a while and then I went on the church retreat with Kat and it was like I just realized that this HUGE burden was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to deal with her anymore. I was free.
I should have known she wasn't going to let me go.
She called me, didn't apologize but told me she wanted us to be friends again. Well more like said we are friends again. Her mom bitched at me again because apparently she sees me as saving her child's life as a wrongdoing. I just said okay.
In that moment I realized something. I don't think KS wanted to be my friend... I just think she didn't want to change completely.
Yes she was changing and everyone knew it. She had these new friends that weren't anything like her old ones. I was the only one who she kept and I didn't fit in. I would much rather go to the library and sit for hours than prance around the mall buying clothes that are too tight and I can barely put on.
That wasn't me and I didn't want to be that.
But she was my friend and I could see the old her in there so I agreed and I tried. I tried so hard for her open up to me and talk to me.
She ignored. I would text and she wouldn't text back until 3 in the morning when I would be sleep. And she never talked about what happened. She passed right over it like it didn't happen. But it did and that's one of those things that you can't really pass over. I don't blame her for trying to forget it but she needs help and won't accept it.
My mother has offered to find me a counselor to help me deal with it and I think I will during the summer. I just don't want someone trying to relate to me when they can't and trying to read my mind.
I told myself I would give up on KS. She wasn't good for me and I wasn't good for her.
Kat told me to close the door but keep the window open.
But I know the door will always be unlocked for her. All she has to do is open it. I just want my friend back.
Not the girl she has become or who her family wants to be. She used to not think about that and now she does and I can't help her fight it because I don't know what she is up against.
I am sorry for her. And pray that God helps her find who she is and for her to be herself not what people want her to be.

You may be thinking wow she is insightful but nope. I'm just opening up. I don't do that a lot. I'm so used to keeping my emotions bottled up inside me or locked away in notebooks hidden in drawers that putting this out there on the Internet where anyone can see is weird to me.
I just want to be myself. I don't like being someone else. They don't have that little something that makes me, me. I'm not going to change because of what someone says or done.
I have been through a lot in my short time here on earth and I can tell I will go through so much more but I'm ready.
The world is such a cruel and hard place to fit into but you just have to find your place. There is a place for you.

In kindergarten you learned to be yourself and others will like the real you. Sometimes that isn't true. You just have to find those people who let you be you.

Yes I am still figuring out exactly who I am but I am grateful for the friends who are here with me along the way and as we struggle together.

Everyone needs a friend.
At least one true real friend.


Songs That Inspired Me:




I
I'm sinking in
You know that something's got to

Something's gotta give
And then you told yourself
You found a modern mona lisa
You gave her all your love
You said 'I pray this fool could keep her'
You got no money
It doesn't mean a thing
You got time
And time is everything
Knock all night
Stay awake
Listening to
Records that you like
Now you're saying

I
I'm sinking in
You know that something's got to
Something's gotta give

"Something's Gotta Give"
- OneRepublic





I was looking for an angel to chase the devil at the light
Oh! oh! oh!

When I was a kid
My grandfather was a preacher
He'd talk about love
Yeah he was something like a teacher
He said 'God only helps those
Who learn to help themselves'
He was a million miles from a million dollars
But you could never spend his wealth

"Preacher"
- OneRepublic





I guess this is what it's supposed to feel like
No we don't talk, no we don't talk, we don't talk anymore.
I guess this is what it's supposed to sound like
The universe, the universe, universe is torn.

I don't want to live without you
I can live without you half the day,
I don't want to live without you
And put life off for another day

But I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop.. no
Thinking about.. thinking about this
Anymore
And all I've got..
Is nothing I want
Anymore

No I never get used to silence
But I don't hear, no I don't hear
I don't hear you anymore.
I know I had to look hard to find it
Everything, everything,
Everything is gone.

I don't want to live without you
And put life off for another day

But I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop.. no
Thinking about.. thinking about this
Anymore
And all I've got..
Is nothing I want
Anymore

I can see stars, I can see our lives in a self destructing lane,
I can see stars, I can see lights... shining here.

But I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore
I said I can't stop.. no
Thinking about.. thinking about this
Anymore
And all I've got..
Is nothing I want
Anymore

"Can't Stop"
- OneRepublic





Today I'm not myself
And you, you're someone else
And all these wounds don't fake
And all the stars can quit

What a peculiar state we re in
What a peculiar state we re in

Let's play a game
Where all of the lives we meet can change
Let's play a game
Where nothing that we can see, the same

"Au Revior"
- OneRepublic





Trying not to lose my head but I have never been this scared before
Tell you what I'll do instead, lay my body down on the floor
To forget what I've done, silhouette til the good lord come

"Where The Story Ends"
- The Fray





Just an outline made of skin
And my walls are paper thin
I want to let you color me in

Feel like I’m drowning from the sound
Of all the silence all around
My thoughts are gone
I’m going down
I’m turning inside out

This time I finally need a light, a light
Tired of seeing in black and white, white

Having flashes in my mind
Can’t take the ticking of time
The time that’s passing by...

"Hourglass"
- Zedd ft. LIZ





Bless my heart, bless my soul.
Didn't think I'd make it to 22 years old.
There must be someone up above sayin',
"Come on, Brittany, you got to come on up.
You got to hold on...
Hey, you got to hold on..."

So, bless my heart and bless yours too.
I don't know where I'm gonna go
Don't know what I'm gonna do.
There must be somebody up above sayin',
"Come on, Brittany, you got to come on now!
You got to hold on...
Hey, you got to hold on..."

"Yeah! You got to wait!
Yeah! You got to wait!"
But I don't wanna wait!
No, I don't wanna wait...

So, bless my heart and bless my mind.
I got so much to do, I ain't got much time
So, must be someone up above saying,
"Come on, girl! Yeah, you got to get back up!
You got to hold on...
Yeah, you got to hold on..."

"Yeah! You got to wait!"
I don't wanna wait!
But I don't wanna wait!
No, I don't wanna wait!

You got to hold on...
You got to hold on...
You got to hold on...
You got to hold on...

"Hold On"
- Alabama Shakes
(PS my name isn't Britney. The singer who sings this, her name is Britney. I love the song though and it is really good and inspiring. Top 10!)





When you're forgiving but you can't forget
Feels like you're drowning but you still got breath
And we've been tryna lay this ghost to rest
Oh but there ain't no getting out of this mess
No there ain't no getting out
There ain't no getting out
There ain't no getting out of this mess

"Bullet From A Gun"
- The Script





Hope the wound heals but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
You're at war with love, yeah

These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...

"Battle Scars"
- Lupe Fiasco ft. Guy Sebastian





When you shoot across the sky like a broken arrow
It's so hard to keep yourself on the straight and narrow
When you shoot across the sky like a broken arrow
You fall off course,
Yeah when you hit the ground
It's hard to get to heaven when you're born hell bound

"Broken Arrow"
- The Script





Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama

Wearing your heart like a stolen dream
Opening skies with your broken keys
No one can blind us any longer

We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go

"Spectrum"
- Zedd ft. Matthew Koma



I know it's a lot of songs but that is why I am called MusicalLover. So right now all those songs are on repeat being played so I can fall asleep.

Oh and Kat make sure you read over your post so we don't have mistakes or you know reveal our identity. Thanks for putting my name in your post. My real name. Don't worry I already fixed it.





Be yourself!



MusicalLover9816

Praise The Lord Humor!!!

 I just think raccoons praising the Lord is the funniest thing ever. We took a four hour test today. (J almost sat behind me *SQUEEE* then JB had to ruin by telling MusicalLover and now shes gonna pester J but that's a whole different thing) and IDK it was a long test no breaks and I finished early on all the English parts considering my mother is a former English teacher and I have to or Ill die and I just remembered these raccoons and it took all my self control not to burst out laughing right there in the quiet test room. :D

KatCentral

Jesus>Religion

"What if I told you Jesus came to abolish Religion? What if I told you voting Republican wasn't really his mission? What if I told you Republican doesn't automatically mean Christian? And just because you call other people blind doesn't automatically give you vision. I mean if religion is so great, why has it started so many wars? Why does it build huge churches but fails to feed the poor? Tell single moms God doesn't love them if they've ever had a divorce. But in the Old Testament, God actually calls religious people whores. Religion might preach grace, but another thing they practice. Ridicule Gods people, they did it to John the Baptist. They cant fix their problems and so they just mask it not realizing religion is like spraying perfume on a casket. See the problem with religion, is that it never gets to the core. Just behavior modification like a long list of chores. Like, lets dress up the outside, make it look nice and neat. But its funny, that's what they did to mummies while the corpse rots underneath. Now I ain't judging, but don't put on a fake look. Cause its a problem if people only know you're Christian by your Facebook. I mean in every other aspect of life, you know that logic's unworthy. Its like saying you play for the Lakers just because you bought a Jersey.
One is the work of God, one's a man-made invention. One is the cure, the other is the infection. Religion says Do. Jesus says Done. Religion says slave, Jesus says son. Religion puts you in bondage, while Jesus sets you free. Religion make you blind, but Jesus makes you see.
So for Religion, I hate it. In fact I literally resent it. Because when Jesus says IT IS FINISHED, I believe he meant it."

-Jefferson Bethke

Look the whole thing up on Youtube Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus. While youre at it, also take a look at Falling Plates. Very interesting. "Its not a Church for good people. Its a Hospital for the broken."

KatCentral

My New Song

So I have a new song that I am completely in love with. I mean I seriously love this song. Spectrum by Zedd ft. Matthew Koma is freaking amazing.

The original version is full of fun dance beats and its just awesome. Zedd is an awesome DJ.

The acoustic version is so soft and sweet and I swear I love that sing. If you listen to the acoustic the lyrics are a little different than the ones I attached onto here.

PLEASE GO CHECK OUT THIS SONG. It is super good and makes me want to sing along every time I hear it and blast it on my iPod.

They don't call me MusicalLover for nothing. Maybe when I am older I'll change me name to Musical or spell it weird and go Mysical.

Lolz okay but go check out this song. It's amazing.

Lyrics:

Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama

Wearing your heart like a stolen dream
Opening skies with your broken keys
No one can blind us any longer

We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go

We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go

Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama

Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama

Wearing your heart like a stolen dream
Opening skies with your broken keys
No one can blind us any longer

We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go

We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go

We'll run where lights won't chase us
Hide where love can save us
I will never let you go

Breathing you in when I want you out
Finding our truth in a hope of doubt
Lying inside our quiet drama





MusicalLover9816

Motto

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing about.
- Benjamin Franklin


I love that. It is my new motto for right now. Don't ask me what my last one is because I probably don't know.

Anyways since I love to write I think the first part of that is amazing for any writer and the second part is for anyone.

I love that.




MusicalLover9816

Personality

I tired if being me.

I'm tired if being called mean.

I'm tired if being called cynical.

I'm tired if being called a pessimist.

I don't give a shxt if I am one don't fucking call me one.
Because in all truth I'm not mean, cynical, or that much if a pessimist.

So maybe the world doesn't shxt rainbows to me... Doesn't mean I hate it.
There are some things the world can fix but I can't do it for them I can only help and sometimes it's not enough.

Leave me and my bad attitude alone and focus on other shxt.

The definition of cynical is: Believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.
Doubtful as to whether something will happen or is worthwhile.

Yeah I am not like that so don't call me cynical.

Maybe I'm not the nicest person but seriously compared to other people I look like an angel.

I just don't like being talked down to and not standing up for myself isn't really an option. Been there done that didn't like it.

Yes I admit I am a man-eater or whatever but I just don't want someone telling me what I can or can't do or someone holding me back from being a free person.

Keep you fucking opinions to yourself sometimes. It's all really fun until someone gets pissed.





MusicalLover9816

givesmehope.com

So, some of you might have been to this site before. Some of you haven't. I don't know. But its http://www.givesmehope.com and its the best thing ever. Its just inspiring stories of good deeds and nice things people do. Its kind of just like a "HOPE FOR HUMANITY RESTORED!!!!!" kinda site. They aren't long. Just a few sentences each. Plus when you go there I also recommend unfriendable.com. Its not as inspiring its just plain funny. Most of the stories on givesmehope.com is kind of about people doing stuff for people less fortunate then them. But there seems to be a burst of special needs kids stories. Like special needs kids doing stuff for people they don't know, or vice versa.
But they are really great. I mean really, really great. And sweet. Plus Im just sitting in computer class kinda bored so its nice that that site exists.

KatCentral

Authors

Dear Authors,

Please stop writing about love triangles. I'm so freaking tired if reading about a girl who likes two completely different dudes or some boy who is in love with two girls. I don't care if you do a square, pentagon... Do a f**king octagon if you want but PLEASE stop doing triangles.

Jesus Christ.

The people the person is in love with are completely different. It shouldn't be hard to choose one.

Don't give me some glammed up diva rich bitch and some next door neighbor girl. Don't do that. They aren't alike. How in the hell is a boy in love with both of them.

AND STOP MAKING THE TWO POINTS OF THE TRIANGLE HATE EACH OTHER!

Jesus vampires and werewolves, angels and demons, monster and monster hunter. Really... Just pick some weird thing and go with it. If your a human your going to in the weird world anyways. And if your supernatural the best choice may be you own kind.

I'm sick and tired of love triangles.
SICK AND TIRED!


MusicalLover9816