Religion Dos

See, my religion is just as complicated as my main man MusicLover's. (We aren't men, don't go getting that idea :- / ) But seriously, i am Christian I just cant say I agree with the Bible on everything. I'm sure when I go to Heaven and I see God he'll explain everything to me and stuff but while I'm on this slowly dying planet lets get a few things straight.
I do curse. As you can see. But there are certain cases where I call people Biscuits instead of Bit*hes and say Gosh Donut instead of God Damnit. I like replacing curse words with pastries. Go figure.
God is not perfect. MusicLover blew my mind this morning making me realize this. I didn't even realize I thought God was perfect until she brought it up. The Bible says he is a jealous God. But its a sin to be jealous. That's being a hypocrite. God is the biggest hypocrite. But I still do believe in him and love him and I know he loves me too.
This Church Retreat thing. I really like these. We sing and such in youth group at night and I like being able to throw my hands up and accept God in a room full of teenagers who are doing the same. It feels amazing to be in God's grace like that and when I throw my hands up and feel like someone loves me and this is awesome and ML if you are reading this you don't have to do that but I sure will cause I cant do that in real church. Only at these youth group things.
However, I asked ML to come with me on this retreat because outside of the Chapel the people in my church are very religious and they take what God says straight to their hearts without even thinking a minute. If I spoke out loud against Gay Marriage and other things I don't believe in I will be shot down so fast you couldn't even say Titanium (see Titanium, By David Guetta). Because I don't take things for granted. I have slept over at these peoples houses. They are 2 stories high with chips, cookies, cake, and cinnamon rolls stacked in the cupboards with those fancy assortment of vegetables and such in the fridge. I am currently hoping I have some popcorn at home. These people have not have had to struggle a day in their life. Except maybe with grades and boys and I do that plus the trauma of my mother not going to the doctor to get me a prescription for my inhaler even though mine is almost out of medicine. If she doesn't my dad is going to find out and they will yell again...but that's a whole 'nother thing.
I'm not trying to be a bit*h maybe these people have some hidden drama but with the time Ive seen them spend on makeup in the mornings I highly doubt it. Anyhoo, I just don't want to be alone. I want to praise God AND not feel alone in my beliefs. Only way that could happen is to blackmail ML to go with me.
Because at the last retreat, the day before it started I had found out my cousins friend, Ky, had just died. I cried for him. He died 8 years old and in the hospital. He had been sick his entire life. So when we praised God and I sat down and cried for him and one of the youth counselors, L, my favorite, rubbed my back. I cried for one song and a good portion of the next one. And no one, not one of those so-called Believers, even glanced at me after I cried. They tried to fit me in when I first came to Church but we all know that I don't. So they talk to me but I am so quiet because the crap they talk about is ridiculous. YouTube videos and shxt. I barely go on YouTube. I do read R.L. Stine sometimes and wouldn't you know it that's looked down upon too.

Thanks for coming ML. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this.

KatCentral